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xydan - am not okay lyrics

chorus:
i’m not okay,i wanna be alive but life is hard
it’s alotta pain,am tired of this, i want it gone
i’m not okay,am not alright,it’s alotta pain
am tired of this ,i want it gone

verse 1:
no one knows all this time that am not okay
i tried love thinking it could take the pain away
it only gat worse when tina pushed me away
she left me devastated now i gat nothing to say
silently hoping god would come through and show me a way
but am afraid he probably won’t cause i lost faith
am so miserable inside can any one relate?
about feeling so fed up and needing a break
mentally losing it and body feel like breaking to pieces
am sick and tired of all these f+cking mental health diseases
having to deal with anxiety and depression
being in panic mode almost every time and frustration
stressing about this dumb life and tripping about the future
thinking if i don’t get where i gotta be am a failure
worried if i don’t reach my goals am probably a loser
full of fear and constant regret sh+t made me suffer

chorus:
i’m not okay,i wanna be alive but life is hard
it’s alotta pain,am tired of this, i want it gone
i’m not okay,am not alright,it’s alotta pain
am tired of this ,i want it gone

verse 2:
it gets harder by the day its never been better
constant poverty and dealing with all the family drama
instead of inheriting income i took lotta trauma
and they told me music ain’t a business it will make you dumber
life been only a bother since i came from my mother
my child hood was a mess felt like i had no father
there is a part of me that loves him and a part that hates him
it’s like nothing mattered to him but the god above him
cause to be true i never knew him and he never knew me
and when i tried to show him who i was he f+cking judged me
told me if i ever get caught making music he will disown me
threatening me with life torture cause he will f+cking curse me
telling me i ain’t sh+t without him and am f+cking stupid
am so tired of this bullsh+t i just want my freedom
am tired of all the fussing and the cage of religion
am suffocated i want it gone and thats my decision

chorus:
i’m not okay,i wanna be alive but life is hard
it’s alotta pain,am tired of this, i want it gone
i’m not okay,am not alright,it’s alotta pain
am tired of this ,i want it gone

- xydan lyrics

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