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youem - i will never fit in ii (letter to myself) lyrics

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[intro]
(i try to fit in, but i know i can’t)
(i just get chopped down like a f+cking plant)
(living life like a lonely ant)
(tryna be the bigger man)

[verse 1]
yo, can we talk? it’s you from your past
i hope you look back and your world starts to crash
i hope you look back and your world burns to ash
i hope you look back and you realize you’re trash

what’s up with you?
you couldn’t help pull me out of the blue
i look to my friends, but they can’t help me too
i guess i should find someone new, f+ck

man, this sh+t is enough
slowly, it’s k!lling me, stabbing my gut
i look at the people, they tell me to cut
and i’m crying to you, why’s life so rough? d+mn

was it part of your plan?
think of the times that i should’ve ran
remember my life, i don’t know who i am
this sh+t is like a never+ending exam
yo, i’m crying to you
i ruined my life, guess i ruined yours too
trust me, you know i’m not lying to you
i said i was dying and that sh+t is true

now i need pills to distract me from life
tell me to slit, i’ll be grabbing the knife
i won’t, but speak up, man, i know that you’re here
all i wanna do is f+cking disappear

when our dad left, never felt so alone
i wish that i did something on my own
cause now i’m a loser, alone in my home
there’s still so much sh+t that n0body had known

back in quarantine, i don’t know where to start
was stuck at my grandmas, alone in the dark
my mom in the hospital, k!lling my heart
being alone really tore me apart

remember the moment, i’m crying, i said
“really think i would be better off dead”
i wait for people to be heading to bed
i walking in the kitchen, a knife on my neck

i thought on that sh+t for a second
“how would my family feel seeing my body next to a weapon?”
i thought on the sh+t it gon do to my mom and my dad
i’m just sick of making people sad
i’m tryna help people get through their struggles
i know how it feels to be under the rubble
i know how it feels when your pain starts to double
i know how it feels to be stuck in a bubble

and i know how it feels when a parent has storms
i know how it feels when your mind’s in a war
i know how it feels to be saying your fine
when guess what? you’re not alright

[pre+chorus]
(i don’t know all pain, kinda wish i could)
(i don’t know change though i wish i would)
(was dealing with sh+t that no one understood)
(i’ll put it on others to make me feel good)
(and, lately, i just wanna have my life back)
(i just wanna get back on track)

[chorus]
i just wanna have my life back
i just wanna get back on track
i really hate the pain and strife
don’t wanna be older and see this when i look at life

i just wanna have my life back
i just wanna get back on track
i really hate the pain and strife
don’t wanna be older and see this when i look at life
[verse 2]
remember the moment i was in the woods
my cousins were there and they ain’t understood
i saw my death coming, i knew i would
i tried to go back, but i never could

red demon eyes were staring me down
anxiety high, had to drown it out
put your hand in my chest, and rip my soul out
since that day, i ain’t been the same since now

i’m too messed up, i see sh+t in my mind
sick of this sh+t, man, i’m waiting to die
i’m sick of these friends, i’m counting their lies
they counting down days till i say goodbye

i don’t wanna be here cause i don’t fit in
days pass by, i’m still trapped in my skin
like, man, where do i even begin?
f+ck, where do i even begin?

[chorus]
(and i just wanna have my life back)
(i just wanna get back on track)
(i really hate the pain and strife)
(don’t wanna be older and see this when i look at life)

- youem lyrics

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