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3345 – hindsight 20-20 lyrics

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[i. life]

maybe it starts in your head, maybe it starts in mine
maybe it doesn’t start at all, it just comes back around
like a poem rhymes, it’s all the same but something’s new
of course we never changed, we’ve just gained a different view

keep in mind the circle is the simplest of all forms
if you’re cutting corners then you’re edgy
noone gets me
lifecycles are nothing more than wheels on the great machine
i know you don’t feel the same
maybe i’ll be born again

we are all just theories and concepts in an empty sp+ce
we can’t even begin to see
the endlessness of energy
surrounding us in motion, we
try to guess our starting point
truth is just that we don’t know
and sometimes that’s the worst

life is just a blur
when you don’t listen
miss it when you should’ve listened
next time kiss her better, ah
can’t afford to pay attention?
you can hurt but you don’t matter
to her anyway
i’d still choose you any day

try again, i don’t wanna sound depressed
it must be the weather or
i’m a mess
i’m gonna be fine i guess
noone died from loneliness
hold on, wait a sec
i might just be wrong again
well you better save me then

yeah, i heard conspiracies
i’m poisoning the industry
while mixing words like alchemy
my career’s in infancy
there has been an influx
of washed out thoughts recently
it only took me 20 years to tune into my frequency

secretly my thoughts are burning up behind my eyes
i can almost see the light
enlighten me, it makes me blind and
my mind is set, sail to the lost sea
i’ll always go with the flow for i wanna be free

three’s a magic number, thirtythree’s divine
why part the water when it can also turn to wine?
why divide the nation when we fight the same battles?
i hope you don’t get shaken up by words, i hear your heart rattle
partly i’m just saying this to take part in this stupid game
another part of me never agrees with me, i feel insane
i hope to join your party but we’re kept apart, by design
i never held a gun but i’m also called 45

all my mistakes must be immortalized
to show that anyone can change, if they only try
wouldn’t it be nice to know where we all come from?
or whether there was any sound at the start, umm…
i can’t be a visionary if my vision isn’t clear
act. do. make. b+tch, why are you still here?
yeah, i’ve been told before, i should be more behaved
the rules always change, but based on whose beliefs?

we are all the same
we all make mistakes
we all love ourselves
we all hate our lives
i’ll stand for peace ‘til the hate’s dissolved
for the self in me is the self in all

i remember when they used to bully me
i remember when they used to make my life a misery
i remember when they used to listen to eminem
and burn my sh+t
they’re the reason i believed that everyone who listens to rap must be a f+cking d+ck
oh how the tables turned or maybe i’m a d+ck
amadeus with a pen, it’s only fair i’ll work until i’m dying sick
i know they will never hear me tell you this
but that’s okay
i only hope that god forgives
i don’t know if i can tho
i can maybe understand
but hardly so
it’s better to just let it go
in my final moments before it’s time to die
i’d welcome it like a friend with you on my mind
playing over all the memories that would make me cry
(sigh), i have your phrases memorized
you can always live inside my soul, even if you hate me now
i’ll keep you warm, you’ll turn into a b+tterfly, it’s crazytown

please recognize that i could never make this all up
it’s been so long
and i’ve learned so much
so i feel tired
i’ve been lied to
i would die
or i would like to
i am burning
i would drown too
just for you
or just for my own good
yes, i would
if i could
bring you back a piece of my soul
as a guidebook
frankly i could
use it too
words i could write music to
i was all black now i’m new

[ii. death]

i’m not too clever but sh+t it’s like i have two brains
’cause everytime i listen, it switches to some another flow
tell me that you’ll never go
tell me that i’ll never die
tonight i’ll try to go inside and meet you
and we will cry
ah, why is it that i’m controlling?
i could have the world and i know i would still be f+cking lonely
it’s like i’ve lived before and done this a thousand times
call me what the f+ck you want, it’s fine
i don’t mind

i’ve never been sh+t
but i’ve seen sh+t
in my mind late at night
i could write a thesis
on the demons in this brain
jesus
i don’t wanna say this
but
i have lost who i once was
i’m in pain, i just woke up
i’m insane but i want love
i don’t wanna say this
but you’ll never find none
if you’re gonna act like that
act like a d+ckhead
act like me

i’ve always loved you deeply still i could not commit
it ain’t hard to f+cking tell i’m a piece of sh+t

maybe i’d be lying if i said my soul wasn’t dying
same old story, yes, some people change, some don’t
i don’t know which one you are, i don’t know which one i am
i don’t f+ck with you, i don’t f+ck with anybody new
i’m not tryna be mean, i just kinda wish i knew
who i was or who i was supposed to be

my future seems so far away
but it’s here in a minute i’m
not ready for it

i
don’t wanna k!ll myself but f+ck, i might
maybe it’s the sh+t i like or
maybe it’s the thoughts that keep me up at night
nevermind

respect is earned but
it’s hard to trust in this world
people give you their word
who knows what that’s worth
maybe you heard, maybe you haven’t
i promise you now, hate will never get you into heaven
if you believe in something you will take a stance
but no one deserves to be hurt, i hope you understand

it’s hard to be honest when i don’t trust you f+cks
it doesn’t matter what i say to you, you only care about it if i cuss
well, maybe i am dying
i don’t know if you are honest, i don’t know if i’m lying
maybe i’ll be crying after i told you to go away
if life is such a tragedy then why don’t we just call it play?
i don’t f+ck with you, i don’t f+ck with nothing new
don’t take it personally, i don’t like telling the truth

i just always thought that secrecy is part of life it always comes with it
privacy was always on my mind because i’m lost within
but when you lose sight of who you know you’re f+cked because
hearts will break and they don’t ever bleed until there is a cause
“you will mean nothing at all”, i’m no longer comfortable, hold me tight or let me go
you like to learn from your mistakes, well here’s a lesson i suggest you study hard
keep thinking you had it rough
’cause noone ever loved you ’cause you shut them off, what the f+ck?
can you even hear yourself? you sound like a stupid kid
oh, sh+t, nevermind

just don’t say you’re not impressed
first impressions never last
noone gets a second chance
wrote it down in 2010
teach me how to write a sentence
teach me how to hold a pen
maybe then i’ll find a way to understand my inner demons
inhibition’s acting up
anxiety f+cks me up
makes me think of every situation where i ever sucked
i wish i could tell you how i really feel
i wish i could tell you what i know is real
tell you ‘bout my biggest fear
i just don’t know where to start
but i can say that i am here
and i have changed, yeah i have changed…

[iii. love]

please find me a way to love myself and love someone
give my all to them while keeping some then love some more
mind, body, soul, my heart is my mind control
listen now to the record of my broken soul
look into my eyes, see, i can weep but cry no more
i repeat my lines so what? i have lost my mind for sure

every time i talk to you is like prayer to a divine being
even god responded to me more lately, i’m just saying
one day i woke up and somehow became a new man
too bad i still love you just like i loved you then

yeah, i bought a lotta sh+t
funny, i still feel like sh+t
i’ll just write down everything i want to say to you and then i’ll call it art
sorry if you’re sick of it, trust me i am too but i just can’t afford another heart
’cause when it comes to you i find it hard to find the words to use
i still managed to write an album or two for you
i had to tell you this, i wanna try every day for you. try to be better, try to grow, try to listen, try to understand, try to help, try to be there. with you, for you. always
i still see your blushed face every time i hear the dark side of the moon
and there’s like a thousand other songs that i can’t even listen to
every day’s so difficult, i really don’t know what to do
i miss you so f+cking much and i just wanna talk to you
what if one day you’ll say “i’ll wait for a sign, if he writes then i’ll talk to him”
and i don’t write? i can’t risk that
it’s that simple, yeah

i don’t think i’m dead yet i still feel buried
keep my style varied, i regret my life choices
i’m superior now, i promise
and yeah i’m honest, well, that is great news
i can focus on my music maybe let loose
you can only sample yourself when you’re this good
guess i’m not modest , i know i’m so screwed
and i’m just a loser, well, i mean i love you

when i fall asleep i feel so alone though
i’m still paralyzed next to your soulstone
i feel like a time+lost menace
doing some for penance
gods only cry for most broken poets
you know it’s in genesis, it’s all about your presence
so be here now ‘cause there is only the present
it will be depressing if you ain’t gonna stay
you may be the priestess but i don’t wanna pray

mayday! i’m lost in the memories
you’re so safe in my soul it’s like a treasury
even if i shine with the flows and the melodies
i can’t lie, i still feel your energy
life’s all waves, it comes and goes
we learn to ride with the highs and lows
i would rather die though, before the waters rise
tell me that the earth will be fine without the sky…

i’m not dead yet i still feel alive
my heart’s on fire, i regret my lies and
i’m superior now, i promise
yeah i’m confident, that’s just a bonus
you can always focus on my music and then let loose
i will lose myself when i’m old school
guess i don’t make sense, i know i’m so screwed
remember i’m a loser, well, i guess i lost you

i ain’t good at losing ‘cause i rarely do
telling me you hate me doesn’t make it true
i am losing sleep though, you know it’s over you
it will take a few more nightmares to get over you
‘cause everytime you feel something, i swear i dream it
i wish i had a ticket to your dream land, i’d redeem it
i mean it, it seems like i’m bound to you
how do you keep my heart on a chain like that?

baby, i don’t say that lightly
and to take you way back
likely i won’t even get a feedback, that’s the payback
if you’re gonna leave then can you also leave my mind?
leave behind the sp+ce… for your gemini
i can only think of you whenever i pick up a pen
never had another friend, now i plan to be your man
and when the summer ends, hold your hand and love again
maybe then you’d understand i’ll always tryna make amends…