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3rd element – i hate u lyrics

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i am idiotic
i have no logic
my mind was sold for fool’s gold
my soul was negotiated for insecurity in heaven

my greed crippled me
i have nothing
i thought i could love you
i hate how you loved to make me hate myself
i loved how you hated to make me love everything else

i loved everything about everybody
but i hate myself
no one can love that
i want to know how

should i hug my clone?
kiss its arms?
stroke its scars?
tickle itself
put my arm on it

what do i know?
i always play the shoulder to cry on
but no one would lend me theirs
so i cry on my own pillow
it never judges because it never speaks
it never harms me because it is immobile

if she was alive and feminine, she would be my wife
that’s my shame
my pride? what’s that?
swagger? never heard of that?
being real? what does that mean?

my personality speaks more than tongues that even hebrews try to decipher
i must be schizo, i don’t know if i’m me or not
my self-respect lost respect in myself
my self-love never seemed to love myself
i feel like kendrick lamar, “i hate myself”
what happened to me, i and myself?