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adam sandler - hot water burn baby lyrics

hot water burn baby

[father:] well ryan, tomorrow’s a big day. your mom’s coming home from the hospital with your new baby sister.
[ryan:] baby sister
[father:] that’s right, baby sister.
[ryan:] baby sister
[father:] so, uh, i think now is the time for us to go over some safety rules for when you’re around your new baby sister.
[ryan:] safety rules
[father:] okay, rule number one: always wash your hands before touching the baby.
[ryan:] wash hands
[father:] do you know why?
[ryan:] no
[father:] well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and germs are bad for the baby cause they can make the baby sick.
[ryan:] germs make baby sick
[father:] that’s right, that’s right, ryan. germs make baby sick.
[ryan:] germs make the baby sick
[father:] okay, rule number two.
[ryan:] more rules
[father:] don’t feed the baby anything.
[ryan:] don’t feed the baby.
[father:] that’s right.
[ryan:] why?
[father:] well, because the baby needs to eat special baby food.
[ryan:] why?
[father:] oh…well, other food is bad for the baby.
[ryan:] other food bad for the baby
[father:] that’s right, good. now, rule number three.
[ryan:] more rules
[father:] never take hot water near the baby because hot water will burn the baby.
[ryan:] water bad for the baby
[father:] well, not all water, just hot water,
[ryan:] yes
[father:] cause hot water will burn the baby.
[ryan:] i don’t understand, daddy
[father:] okay, see this gl-ss of water that i’m drinking?
[ryan:] yes
[father:] well, this water is okay for the baby.
[ryan:] yes
[father:] here, touch the gl-ss.
[ryan:] yes
[father:] see, it’s nice and cool.
[ryan:] yes
[father:] now if this was hot water that would be bad because hot water can burn the baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn baby?
[father:] yes, hot water burn baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn baby
[father:] yes, yes, hot water burn baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn your baby
[father:] yes.
[ryan:] baby can’t go in swimming pool?
[father:] oh no, the swimming pool is okay. swimming pool water is cool.
[ryan:] yes
[father:] that’s alright.
[ryan:] yes
[father:] but the jacuzzi is bad because that water is hot and hot water will burn the baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn the baby
[father:] yes.
[ryan:] hot water burn the baby
[father:] yes. now say you made a cup of tea, would you take that near the baby?
[ryan:] yea, baby like tea
[father:] no ryan, uh, i don’t think you get it yet.
[ryan:] baby no like tea?
[father:] well, i’m sure the baby will like tea, but what do you make tea with?
[ryan:] …hot water
[father:] right, and what did we say about hot water?
[ryan:] …oh, hot water burn baby
[father:] yes, hot water burn baby!
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[father:] that’s right so no tea near the baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn baby
[father:] yes.
[ryan:] baby no take bath?
[father:] no, bath water is warm. warm is okay.
[ryan:] yes
[father:] hot is bad.
[ryan:] yes…hot water burn baby
[father:] yes, hot water burn baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn baby
[father:] i think you’re gettin’ it!
[ryan:] hot water burn baby
[father:] that’s right, ryan.
[ryan:] hot water burn baby
[father:] now don’t you ever forget that!
[narrator:] 30 year later!
[wife:] hey, ryan, what are you doing out there?
[ryan:] just watchin’ the discovery channel.
[wife:] well, dinner’s gonna be ready in about five minutes.
[ryan:] aw, great baby, aight, i’ll be in in a few momentos. lemme just wind down…(garbled)
[wife:] okay, honey!
[ryan:] yeah.
[tv:] the villagers of pasquan
[ryan:] pasquan
[tv:] have a very bizarre and painful way of welcoming their infants into the community.
[ryan:] [garbled]
[tv:] unfortunately, the death rate from this ritual is a mortifying 90 percent.
[ryan:] my god.
[tv:] that explains the pasquan’s low population.
[ryan:] yeah, it does.
[tv:] on the first full moon of autumn, all the pasquanian mothers wrap their new-borns in traditional hand painted deerskin,…
[ryan:] deerskin.
[tv:] …which have been p-ssed along from generation to generation.
[ryan:] that’s nice.
[tv:] the entire pasquan population then forms a circle on the sacred battlefield of chin-chara.
[ryan:] ya-yara
[tv:] each pasquanian baby is then p-ssed, hand to hand, around the circle…
[ryan:] wow.
[tv:] …four times.
[ryan:] four times.
[tv:] once for the sun,…
[ryan:] hmm.
[tv:] …once for the moon,…
[ryan:] the moon.
[tv:] …once for the earth,…
[ryan:] the earth.
[tv:] …and once for the wind.
[ryan:] the wind, too.
[tv:] when the babies arrive back in their mother’s hands, they are marched, in procession, to the pasquanian natural hot springs…
[ryan:] what?
[tv:] …where the ceremonial purification will be completed.
[ryan:] what are you saying here?
[tv:] as we watch, the mothers take their progeny out of the deerskin sh-lls…
[ryan:] no.
[tv:] …and dunk them into the steaming water.
[ryan:] no! no! hot water burn baby! hot water burn baby!
[father:] that’s right, ryan. hot water burn baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[wife:] ryan! what’s going on out there? are you okay?
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[father:] hot water burn most definitely burn baby.
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[father:] that’s right, ryan. hot water burn baby!
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[father:] you are a b-tch, ryan!
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[wife:] ryan, are you alright?
[father:] hot water burn the baby!
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[wife:] ryan!
[father:] what are you gonna do, wh-r-?
[wife:] ryan!
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[father:] b-tch!
[wife:] ryan! what’s going on out there?
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[father:] wh-r-!
[wife:] who are you talking to?
[father:] b-tch!
[ryan:] i’m talking to the man!
[father:] wh-r-!
[ryan:] hot water burn baby!
[wife:] ryan!
[father:] b-tch! ryan is a wh-r-!

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