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adam sandler – the amazing willy wanker lyrics


when i was just a little wee lad
i hopped on the lap of my dear old dad
something jumped and poked me good
‘that’ he said ‘just me morning wood’
a little tin soldier’s marchin by
sergeant major unzips his fly
pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants
slaps away til it starts to dance
a shootin star’s above my bed
changin colors of my mushroom head
a rainbow j-zz flys across the room
little white spermies meet their doom
(ah!) the amazing w-lly w-nker!
(aaaah!) the amazing w-lly w-nker!
and my scr-t-m sack he says
lalalalalala, tickle me!
little green men from outer sp-ce
here to exterminate the human race
drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships
when marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip
like a knight of olden camelot
the goo takes off like an arrow shot
gwynevere drops to her knees and begs
for the spittin dragon between me legs
i’m using my thing for what it’s for
gentle knock upon me door
mumsy drops her cup of tea
when she sees my w-nk standing tall and free
(ah!) the one and only w-lly w-nker!
(aaaaah!) here comes w-lly w-nker!
and my marble sack he says
lalalalalala, tickle me!
rasberry scones and marmalade!
squeezing my squid in the evening shine!
visions of mermaids in the sky!
shooting my load in me own left eye!
gramps was a hero in the first world war
but he ain’t got no d-ck no more
comes home smokin from the corner pub
makes poor old gramsy kiss his nub
the world spins around like a big b-ss drum
nanny pops a pinkie in the generals b-m
the irish dance and the scotsmem howl
time to clean up with the washroom towel
(ah, yeah!) it’s only w-lly w-nker, yeah!
(ah!) the lonely w-lly w-nker!
and my wrinkled sack he says
lalalalalala, tickle me!