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allison rosenswipe – satire imitation lyrics

allison rosenswipe
20 february 2014
satire immitation

it is a poor sight when, on p-ssing through a city so grand as our capital, maybe on a sunday morning stroll, one sees our beautiful parks and trails littered with the homeless and often with their trash bags of what may be called their belongings. they may also be seen on our city street corners, with small signs or cups begging the p-sserby to aid them in some small fashion, because they have nothing of their own
i am deeply troubled, as i imagine many other citizens are, by the alarming number of these people who spend their days not earning an honest living, but begging for the fortunes of those who work for it. praise and admiration would surely be given to someone who could come up with a convenient yet effective way to address this issue
i have read that the number of homeless in washington, dc is somewhere around an astonishing 6,600 people, with over 500 at any given time wandering the streets and the rest in shelters of some sort. now these people need food, which they may get either by stealing or from charity. either way, this food is given away, wasted. the same goes for any place to sleep. either the homeless use up valuable rentable sp-ce in our housing, or they detract from the historic beauty of our city by taking to the streets
for years i have seen the prominent figures of society attempt to solve the homeless epidemic in various ways, the most popular of which appears to be to set up soup kitchens and shelters where these beggars may successfully freeload off of working folk. the solution i propose would not only spare the expense of running such operations, but also clean our streets, reduce waste, and generally improve the appearance and well-being of the public
there is also the persistent problem of landfills. they are, i am told, essentially large piles of trash, to be forever compacted and placed layer on layer, contaminating our land and water, breeding vermin and disease, and creating a very unpleasant environment for any decent person
my proposal would effectively solve both problems in a most eloquent way, i believe. we simply move all of the homeless in dc, and possibly surrounding areas, if all goes well, to the nearest landfills to live. i hope that after giving serious thought to my consideration, it should be accepted as a quite logical “win-win” situation for all involved
you see, with the homeless in landfills, they will not be damaging the pristine view of our city; rather, they should fit in much more easily. landfills are also perfect for providing shelter materials. what better to build a shelter with than with material that will not degrade over time, as we find in landfills? they will be able to build themselves a place to live, more suitable that the streets and at no cost to the public
i have also heard that americans in general throw out about half of the food they buy, and restaurants’ dumpsters are full of unused food and scr-ps. with all this going to landfills, surely the homeless there would get better meals than if they were begging on the streets, and again it is at no additional cost to the public. they may have to search for their food around them, but in this country we don’t give anything away for free. a little work never hurt anyone
my hope is that by sending all the beggars and less fortunate to the landfills that we may teach them to work for what they need, while giving them plenty of resources to do so. i feel as though they may even form a community of sorts, and learn the decency and social abilities to come back to the civilized world
but my thoughts are not only with the people we are sending into their new home; i have also put much thought into the benefits for the public (beyond the obvious saving of money from not having to care for others)
friends from the south tell me that although vermin are not the most succulent of meals, they do well enough to feed a man. i believe that the men and women in the landfills will find a plentiful supply of vermin to hunt and consume, not only giving them extra sustenance but also curbing the vermin population for everyone
it also seems logical to me that after prolonged periods at the landfills, the people would find purposes for many of the things that others have thrown away. the organic materials could be the beginning of compost to grow with, and their homes would slowly fill with belongings. they may even find that some items can be refurbished and sold for a profit. as this happens, the landfills would get smaller and smaller, slowing if not stopping or even reversing the problem of creating permanent trash piles on our planet
and of course, with all of this happening out of view of the good people of our city, we may once again be proud of our spotless streets and beautiful parks, and invite visitors at all hours of the day to come marvel at the wondrous view
to those who object to such a treatment of human beings (although i do not see how we could be any kinder), i challenge you to bring a better solution. don’t bother with burning trash, with compacting trash, or even with increased recycling efforts. in my experience the public has a general negative reaction to the mere thought of having to deal with trash, and would rather put it all out of sight
as to the homeless, i see no better alternatives to my proposal. it is obvious that the shelters in place are simply draining money from other, more important issues, such as supporting government bailouts and support for big businesses around the country. after all, those citizens work the hardest of all
i would ask that before looking to any other alternative, to ask the homeless whether they would prefer to live off of the backs of others, begging, sacrificing their pride, and having no dignity to call their own, or whether they would rather live in a community that helps itself grow into something bigger. something self-sustaining and respectable, working for their own living
i must add, to those who may suspect selfish motives, that this is in no way a self-serving act. i alone do not benefit from such a policy, but the whole of society should be improved greatly. i only think of the state of this dear country and of my honorable city, and how it may possibly be made better for all. i am not homeless myself, nor do i have any homeless friends, but consider the 6,600 in dc alone who need a real place to call home

- allison rosenswipe lyrics

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