audiobooks – call of duty free lyrics
when aeroplanes arrive from deutschland
you know you’ve arrived in safe territory
lewis lane had been invited on a family holiday by his girlfriend, austria. his invitation had yet to be discussed with austria’s parents, but nevertheless, lewis lane went ahead and bought the plane tickets
lewis lane was a light packer; all he seemed to think he needed was his goggles, gameboy, sungl-sses and rizla. austria wasn’t a light packer, but a clever one indeed. she managed to only take hand luggage but fit extra items of clothing in the excess room of her mother’s oversized suitcase
austria was feeling uncertain about how her parents would feel to the idea of lewis coming, so she kept it silent until she had the nerve to say it out loud. this moment of confidence came out in the car on the way to the airport
the reaction was one you may have already guessed:
“lewis? you mean, lewis the vein bl–dy pain?” shouted her father
“yes. also known as my boyfriend and probably my husband-to-be.”
“are you crazy?”
“the boy doesn’t even know how to put a fresh pair of underwear on, or- let alone get to an airport!”
how wrong could austria’s father be? lewis lane was already at the airport. he had surprisingly glided his way through the security, listening to the libertines and now spraying armani’s men perfume in duty-free under his armpits
lane had gotten worried about where austria was, so decided to ring her. austria was playing music through her iphone via bluetooth, which connected to the car stereo. this meant his call ran through the car speakers
austria’s naughty little brother noticed that lewis’ name had popped up on her screen so quickly answered it before austria could take it away
“hey, chicken. i wanna squeeze you tight. how long do i have to wait?”
silence and shock had just arisen from the parents inside of the car. several frantic screams out of austria and thirty-five minutes of hysterical laughter from the little boy. austria’s father was feeling feeble now, because of the traffic, the confrontation of the new boyfriend, the noise, a situation in his mind which was one he’d imagine in h-ll
lewis lane was now in a slight predicament, because he was led on to believe by austria that everything would be… ‘cool in the gang’. but in fact, the situation was quite the opposite. he started to imbibe large amounts of alcohol as a way to fight his anxiety
austria’s family were now sprinting to board their plane. lewis was now so drunk he started to buy british souvenir pointless cr-p as presents for his mum and dad
“could lewis lane immediately make your way to gate number 666, the plane is boarding now!’
“what a relief! the silly boy isn’t here. oh darling, i was so worried he would ruin our entire holiday” said austria’s father to austria’s mother
“last call for lewis lane. please hurry to gate number 666. the gate has now been closed.”
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