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bill hicks – uncle charlie’s revenge lyrics

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uncle old-time charlie threw his fiddle up a tree

my brother told me ‘simmons was the thing that got his goat:

he’d sat there on the back porch, drinking elum tea

and went he finally went to eat there wasn’t any soap

there wasn’t any victuals, nor any silverware

there wasn’t any plates nor cups nor no place to sit down

there wasn’t any table, there wasn’t any chair

and his wife was in the living room without no underwear

(chorus)
charlie, oh charlie, your name will always be

you took my grampaw’s fiddle and you throw’d it up a tree

they say you ate the ‘simmons that had landed on the ground

and when you pitched that fiddle up they say you shot it down

well old-time charlie looked and looked, his house was awful strange

the clock was running back’ards, the upstairs felt like rain

his couch was lying on the floor his car was in the ditch

he picked up grampaw’s fiddle but it wouldn’t get in pitch

old charlie wound and tuned and tuned, he twisted all them wires

he put his e on mercury he put his g on mars

his head was spinning like the moon is spinning round the earth

he rosined up his bow a spell but took an awful thirst

(chorus)
by the time he got his pistol out the ‘simmon punch was gone

the sun has p-ssed behind the ridge, evening was coming on

it took him twenty cartergize — ey god he got ‘er down —

he dragged his leg into the house and left er on the ground!

(chorus)