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boris the sprinkler – motherfucker are you ready to rock? lyrics

[spoken intro]

rev. nørb: this is paul harvey. stand by for news!

lightning lad, are you ready? cosmic boy, are you ready? brainiac 5, are you ready? colossal boy, chameleon boy, saturn girl, ferro lad, matter eater lad, are you ready?

very well, then. back for the umpteen+billionth time, combining the sheer impact of a fistful of paper clips with the timeless cool of a darth maul spin pop, it’s the boris the sprinkler shrinkter+fulla+fun hour with your host, rockin’ rev. nørb. today’s lucky contestant is mr. paul #1 of green bay, wisconsin. paul’s playing for a year’s supply of archway cookies and an eighth+ounce of marijuana and has been locked in our shrinkter+fulla+fun isolation booth, where he can neither see nor hear us, nor, more importantly, come out and f+ck with my monologue. paul #1, can you hear me now?

paul #1: [m+ffled] mmm+hm…

rev. nørb: all right, all right, you’ll get your fifteen minutes worth of fame, don’t ham it up and ruin it for everybody else. now paul #1, as you are painfully well aware, much like a ray rhodes+era performance by the green bay packers, rock ‘n’ roll tends to raise more questions than it answers, e.g. when will i be loved? why do fools fall in love? who’ll stop the rain? have you ever seen the rain? where have all the flowers gone? have you seen your mother, baby, standing in the shadow? why is it always this way? why can’t i touch it? what do i get? what ever happened to? who’s got the action? where’s cap’n crunch? what’s this sh+t called love? who’s driving your plane? what’s your problem? who’s got the 10½? why must i be a teenager in love? where is groovy town? how do you do what you do to me? well, don’t you know about the bird? who threw the overalls in mrs. murphy’s chowder? and, for crying out loud, who stole the kishka?

now paul #1, the aforementioned assortment of fantastic prizes can all be yours just by correctly answering the following three incredibly pertinent, unanswered rock ‘n’ roll questions. question one: what is your name?

paul #1: uh, paul #1

rev. nørb: question two: what is your quest?

paul #1: to eventually pass advanced algebra

rev. nørb: and, for the archway cookies and the eighth+ounce of pot, question three…

[‘song begins]

motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready?
i catch the bus, i go downtown
i get messed up, i hang around
i get my pills and paper cup
i can’t sit down, i can’t sit up

oh motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready?

i bang my head against the stage
i’m iggy pop, i’m jimmy page
i’m thunders circa ’92
i smell like grant from hüsker dü

oh motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready?

come on, you f+ggots, let’s rock and roll
come on, you f+ggots, let’s rock and roll
come on, you f+ggots, let’s rock and roll
come on, you midgets, let’s boogie

[guitar solo]
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready?

i spill my tab, i flail around
i can’t throw up, i can’t throw down
why do i try?
why did i come to try to rock a place this dumb?

oh motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready to rock?
motherf+cker, are you ready or not?

- boris the sprinkler lyrics

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