bs de résistance – hit ’em hard lyrics
nixon:
among the regrets
of my time in this house
is the way in which i handled the end
when my cover-up was blown
i was left all alone
deserted by “allies” and “friends”
when the sirens started wailing
the b-st-rds started bailing
leaving me alone and aghast
stuck on the shelf
to face the music by myself
like odysseus tied to the mast
for decades i’ve stewed
about the ways i was screwed
and now i’ve arrived at an answer
if you want my advice
don’t waste time being nice
they’ll just eat you up like a cancer
truly now, which would you rather be:
(on top of the world or all through?)
watergate no longer bothers me
(don’t be a fool) and let your conscience bother you
so hit ‘em hard
leave ‘em in st-tches
no need to pull any punches
with those sleazy sons of b-tches
all:
hit ‘em hard
stop at nothing
you’ve gotta catch ‘em off-guard
make ‘em think that you’re bluffing
nixon:
this is no time to be toothless
you’ve gotta be ruthless
just like my old friend mao
all: he let a hundred blossoms bloom
then took a weed wacker to ‘em!
nixon: where have all the flowers gone now?
i should’ve tossed those tapes in a bonfire
rounded up the b-st-rds on my enemies list
put the washington post behind barbed wire
along with herds of dirty hippy “journalists”
(scat interlude)
take it, roy!
roy cohn: remember tail gunner joe?
mccarthy, don’tcha know
the rotten apple
of appleton’s eye
even when he was stinko
he’d panic the pinkos
a delightfully despicable guy
he’d say to me “roy
pay attention now, boy
you’ve gotta grab that limelight and hog it!
when you start takin’ flak
don’t have a panic attack
it just means you’re over the target!”
in 1953
in washington dc
to be or not to be
was not the question
i made it my mission
like a one-man inquisition
fishing for the hidden indiscretions
those were the days
when i got to say
are you now or have you ever been
a commie?
who cares if they were red?
didn’t matter what they said
i’d slice ‘em up just like a salami!
we didn’t care who we were smearing
in those television hearings
if it made the news above the fold
the suckers took it on the chin
that’s when the checks came pouring in
we were swimming in a river of gold
all:
hit ‘em hard
use a machete
chop ‘em down like a tree
turn ‘em into confetti
hit ‘em hard
find their weakness
hit ‘em again
watch the fun
as they run
like the preakness
amalijia: (spoken) and donald, i remember story i heard growing up in slovenia!
(transition to “russian” interlude)
amalijia: in soviet days
stalin had lots of ways
of silencing troublesome foes
he heard comrade trotsky
was hatching a plotsky
to undermine dear uncle joe
so stalin’s reb-ttal
was—less than subtle
the outcome was not at all pretty
they found leon dead
ice pick in his head
in faraway mexico city
roy cohn: (spoken) yeah! that’s what i’m talkin’ about!
trump: (spoken) but guys! i can’t do that! the fake news will crucify me!
nixon: (spoken) who gives a sh-t? your people don’t listen to them!
nixon:
the trump-friendly media’s
a human centipedia
they’ll swallow any sh-t that you send ‘em
they’ll call it caviar
you can never go too far
there’s nothing you can do to offend ‘em
roy cohn:
just keep swimming like a great white shark
(trump: “i love sharks!”)
and they’ll stick to you like a remora
keep your enemies stumblin’, get ready to rumble, then
light ‘em up like a f-ckin’ menorah!
if some nosy little sleuth
gets too close to the truth
make up some new lie about mueller
who cares if it’s bullsh-t?
they’ll still jump right on it
like chris christie gobbling up a kruller
nixon:
they want gossip and scandal
give ‘em all they can handle
and shiny distractions to play with
so no-one will notice
the things that the potus
is merrily getting away with
amalijia: (spoken) but donald, i sense grave danger from unexpected place!
trump: what the h-ll do you mean?
nixon: she’s right! you’ve got a serious problem here!
roy cohn:
now listen up boychik
get ahold of your joystick
and i don’t mean
what’s between
your legs
there’s something rotten right here
that could shorten your career
and it’s stinking like a dozen rotten eggs
your jesus-freak veep
a wolf dressed like a sheep
is plotting how to steal your job
nixon:
you’ve gotta out-do him
devise a way to screw him
and skewer him just like a kabob
roy cohn:
that bland little hoosier
is just a sad loser
ya gotta pound him right in the patootie
nixon:
his holy roller schtick
is so very sl!ck
being veep is just his christian duty (ha!)
roy cohn:
he comes off so bland
but there’s a dagger in his hand
he looks like vanilla but inside he’s tutti-frutti
nixon:
he swears he’s behind you
but we’re here to remind you
if you don’t get him out
you’re gonna shout “et tu brute?”
roy cohn:
you’ve gotta send that schmuck into exile
and i don’t mean just for a short while
there’s not a lot of plotting you can do
when you’re stuck in a hut out in timbuktu!
all:
so remember mr. trump
you don’t want to be a chump
we understand it makes you nauseous
this is not the time to be cautious!
pull out your trump card
and hit the b-st-rds hard!
put them all away
and you’ll save the day
it’s the only way
you’re gonna get to stay
working in the oval office
(big finish)
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