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chad wild clay – asian massage lyrics

[verse 1]
now
walk up to the spa like “what up? this is a garage!”
uh it’s a dump, i walked inside, was a mirage
nice looking digs and so i say, “chao”
a girl is like, “trời, mỹ trắng này dài và cao!”
robin’ in helping me, think this girl is seventeen
dressed in all black, ‘cept my flippy floppies those are green
what is she saying to me? girl’s speaking vietnamese
buddy said to watch this, girls from behind those sheets
nice

renig, meant my muscles are tense!
watching ’em walking in, ’bout to go and give some compliments
that’s when i am recognizant none of ’em evеn talk english
but all my buddies talk viet, they arе hunting and chatting
and spending their money and they heading in back when i felt a pinch!
turned and saw a grandma smile and she tugged my hand a while
no for real, this your grandma? is she gonna rub me down? (cám ơn!)
smelled of pho soup and some malt liquor
looked around, was no exit so i tried to trick her
i have an open knee sore, i gotta go to the morgue
she got a deep blank look, then i sought out the lord
“h+llo, h+llo my grace man, my fellow
my brain ain’t got no thoughts of the profane, h+ll no
please don’t let this old thing tickle me like elmo”
and then i heard in god’s voice, “you’re at a bordello!”
[chorus]
my buddies got some babes, but i got a twenty+thousand+year+old grandma
i’m getting massaged, trying to be mellow
what is a bordello?
my buddies got some babes, but i got a twenty+thousand+year+old grandma
i’m getting massaged, trying to be mellow
what is a bordello?

[verse 2]
what you know about elderly folk on you jogging?
what you knowin’ about crushing your voice box in?
i’m choking, i’m choking, you’re perched on my esophagus
one man’s neck, that’s another gram’s footrest
thank you grandma for inflaming my bad back
man, that hurt! ’cause right now i feel a concussion
and then she whispered in my ear but i smelled (onions)
it must+a been ninety years since at the dentist (onions)
this grandma is handy, with drama she grabbed me
she flipped me over so uncanny that i had to cuss out like a trucker
i felt my undies getting tugged and it made me wonder
does she like farming? ’cause she just tried to milk my utter
i jumped up, “whoa!”, then granny asked “you no like?”
i’m like “yoo, you’re not a cougar more a t+rex
it is intuition a tent i will not be pitching”
granny’s feelings must+a been hurt, she was crying and a sniffling
i felt bad, granny’s probably always dissed like this
i felt bad, no one ever wants her business
where’s your nursing home?
i’ll visit, we’ll have fun, make some music, upload to youtube what we wrote
you can play any instrument you like, that’s my oath
that’s when i heard grandma say, “i play your rusty trombone”
[chorus]
my buddies got some babes but they were all undercover call girl coppers
they all got arrested, i almost got molested
this massage was awful!

- chad wild clay lyrics

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