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epic rap battles of history – dr. seuss vs shakespeare lyrics

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epic rap battles of history!
dr. seuss!
versus!
william shakespeare!
begin!

[shakespeare]
come bite my thumb!
i hope you know the stakes
i’ll put a slug between your shoulder blades
then ask what light through yonder poser breaks?
i hath been iambic on that -ss ye b-st-rd
my rhymes are cl-ssic
your cr-p is drafted by a kindergartner high on acid
ye hoebag
you’re an old white soulja boy who has no swag
and no gonads, egads it’s so sad
and to top it off you’re not a doctor
i’ve never seen a softer author
you crook, you
i bet you wrote the twilight books too!

[dr. seuss/cat in the hat]
i would not could not on a boat
read any of the boring -ss plays you wrote
even horton doesn’t want to go hear you
and cindy lou who is afraid to go near you
you bore people to death
you leave a cl-ssroom looking like the end of macbeth
i entertain a child of any age
you gotta translate what you said on the opposite page
how you gonna battle with the cat in the hat?
little kids get scared when i step on the mat
you think your ruffled neck -ss gonna rap to that?
i gotta best selling book about me coming back!

[shakespeare]
i’m switching up my style
like the beatles with my pieces
each is such a wonder
with a plethora of features
you’re pathetically predictable
you think your new book
might include a tri-syllabic meter
and some ghetto muppet creatures
the bard is in the building
it’s a castle, i’m a boss
i bet i’m parliament
i’m positive i’m k!lling it
i’m iller than the plague
i never caught or cholera
a baller baller
on some cricket bowler buisness
while you’re sitting in the bleachers

[cat in the hat:]
you rap fast you do
yes you rap fast it’s true
now let’s see how you rap versus things 1 & 2!

[things 1 & 2:]
oh, no
we’ll smash your globe
yo, you may have wrote the script
but now we running the show
you can take your fancy words and send’em
back home to your mama
break our foot off in your -ss
with our feety pajamas
man we’ll cook you up
and eat you with some ham and green eggs
we’ll break offa your legs
make no mistake
we in a rage
all does not end well
when we bust out our cage
you gettin’ upstaged bill
yo, you just got played!