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gambit - paradigm lyrics

[gambit]
you know, this is a true story

[verse 1]
in high school, i was not a regular student
i was one that all the counselors begged to be prudent
a well-known truant, i’d bounce from the session like, “screw it”
and established a reputation as a negative influence
better get to moving, you’ll never amount to nothing
if you’re mouthing off and f-ckin’ around when you should be studying
i cared about n0body including myself, just troubling
all of the other kids with my troubles as they were bubbling
shedding that blood again, better laugh when they’re asking me
if i made it to cl-ss or if i actually p-ssed with a c
i’d ask pretty please for an a, they’d say “you have to be kidding me!”
cause i bent the rules like plastic elasticity
a lot of cats sat back, they wasn’t saying sh-t
when i was staying there i made it clear i f-cking hated it
my mother was unaware her son was very jaded quick
but ain’t n0body care and i needed a way to escape the sh-t
and so i ran away
every d-mn day, i was shirking work with a plan to play
i got suspensions for skippin’ on my detentions
’till i was essentially serving a sentence they demanded i pay
i thought it was clear to me
i hated everyone, when in fact, that was merely
a reflection of my own personal insecurity
and a direct manifestation of the hurt and fear in me
and if you look back, honestly it’s sad to see
it’s like my life had gone from comedy to tragedy
i told myself there wasn’t a soul in h-ll as mad as me
and that being alone was the only way to live happily
and that’s a load of cr-p, although i traveled all alone
i was only trapped by the certain fact i was on my own
then when i returned to the cul-de-sac that i called my home
i was hurtin’ bad, but i learned to cap it inside the dome
but if you were to ask i’d laugh it off and doubt it
mostly for the fact the past had hurt too bad to talk about it
i learned to act like i was happy when i was actually
mad exasperated and found that it was all confounded

[bridge]
i was a kid then
just tryna fit in with a clique that i couldn’t get in
would it have made a difference if i could have been let in
among the names of these faces that i’m already forgettin’?
or would it have been a detriment and a bit of a limit
to my existence so life would look different every minute within it?
whether it did or it didn’t, i still remember
the very beginning, standing there in the distance

[verse 2]
smoking bogies like the older kids, but wasn’t feeling bigger yet
i’d sneak away from cl-sses just to have another cigarette
casually come back in actin’ like i hadn’t had a pack
inside my jacket, with some cr-p imagined ‘case they figured it
out-side, i was about my free time
that’s why i’d make a beeline straight to the treeline behind
the parking lot’s green wall, like “everything will be fine!”
hoping n0body saw me walking in the meantime
i took my pimp -ss to gym cl-ss
and i was smoking brick hash up in the ceiling rafters getting whiplash
feeling that afterwards i’d have to turn and dip fast
so that no b-st-rd learned about me burning half the big stash
and it was plain to see
that mary jane had seemed to be taking away the pain in me
at least, i stated it every day and i’d make believe
that vapin’ weed replaced the complacency taking place in me
like chokin’ on smoke would maybe fill the vacancy
that stay concealed away while i’m waiting for healing patiently
i hated feeling the latent anger awakening
and so i’d smoke my dome to a coma until my brain could sleep
it’s clearly a crooked, morbid tune
when sleeping is the only thing you’re really looking forward to
you sport a blue aura, like “what am i supposed to do?”
feeling like you’re dirt and hurting everybody close to you
i was so confused, battered and tattered and worn
every day i drank up out a chalice of malice and scorn
i’d wonder why i had to blindly abide
by a society in which i never actually asked to be born
and they detested me
that’s why my first day of senior year, they arrested me
they made it clear they hated me in the way they would talk
so i had to walk with security guards next to me
i was especially perplexed they expected me
to present my best behavior when school brought out the worst in me
the biggest test for me wasn’t answering questions
and the lessons that i learned had nothing to do with the courses, see?
yes, it was torturous staying where i was forced to be
and my distorted dreams made me feel what a pain it’d bring
but if i’m being real, all the pain that i’d see and feel
was just for me to build who i am, and i wouldn’t change a thing
self-neglect turned to self-respect
i discovered love for myself and the rest had fell in check
when i discarded all the weight off of my swelling neck
i saw the cards of fate, and i started with quite the telling deck
so now the geeky kid
from coginchaug gon’ climb to the top whether or not you believe in him
a lot of kids when from mocking the cl-ss comedian
to dropping jaws after they poppin’ his cd in

gambit

- gambit lyrics

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