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garrett johnson – upbringing lyrics

[intro]
“ok cl-ss who wants to do their about me first” teacher
“no one?” teacher
“ok then garrett you go first” teacher

[verse 1]
i’ll tell you the story in the best way that i’m able
of my life and reveal my fable
clean out the closet stacking the skeletons on the dining table
let’s begin with how i’m not mentally stable
i’ve been f-cked my whole life, never had a guardian angel
i was the angry boy who fit the bipolar label
one minute i’m a b-tterfly the next a rampaging triangle
it doesn’t make sense it’s a destructive behavior
i would snap at a glance, any moment, just like that
grab a butchers knife and chased my brother for talking cr-p
with the intention to stick the beveled blade in his back
never pulled it off because he yelled for mom like a brat
a lot of times i said f-ck it, and tried to make myself go splat
like when i was eight, a cord of rubber bands around my neck
tied it to the balcony and off the chair i leapt
rope snapped, fell to the floor, didn’t get relief just a welt

[chorus]
my life hasn’t always been fun in the sun
it isn’t really now, but i won’t pull the trigger on the gun
i have to many reliable sources to say f-ck it and be done
so i’ll keep on kicking, even though life is like a drawn out pun
i’ve been a bad friend, i’ve been a bad son
i’ve been a good friend, i’ve apologized for what i’ve done
i got a lot of issues in my head above
physically i’m comparable to a disgusting, squashed, anorexic bug

[verse 2]
it isn’t all just negative manifestation in my head
sometimes i truly feel i’d be better off dead
everyone around thinks i’m more toxic than lead
i’m like a long exposure, you should not tread
every single dog gone peg seems to miss the fret
my brain always throbbing like a d-ck during sex
that’s why still in elementary they had me drinking meds
in an attempt to make all these problematic lobes relax
they scanned me in a mri trynna’ round up facts
results calculated, they gathered i was intact
basically saying deal with it, life sucks, that’s that
but they didn’t predict the symptoms arriving next
my stomach constantly burning, churning, compressing, stretching, distorting
lungs felt submerged in magma with acid steadily inserted, it was concerning
at 14 i begged for a tube up my -ss and down my throat it was disconcerting
now i swallow 4 pills daily, so i don’t feel petrified when my stomachs working

[verse 3]
with physical and mental ailments i clearly needed help
the problem is i’m an introvert, stay secluded, do it all myself
when i try to socialize i’m moss while everyone else is strains of kelp
a lone spark in a society made of gasoline drenched felt
i could hardly control myself, dad wanted to send me to military school, put me on the shelf
at being a well behaved gigantic prick i’m the universes champ
i’m stumbling through the dark trench of depression, but anxieties the lamp
leading me with every tiptoe step into a bear traps clamp
so i tried meditating, retreating into myself and camp
but every time i entered my subconscious problems were tamped
the charge was set, i could blow at anything god to tramp
it’s still a countdown before my comic strip reads ‘blat”
i was at 14 the doctor said “you’re high strung take that
it’ll help you not want to find the nearest bridge and go splat”
at that moment i wasn’t just an edgy little rat
i had the prescription doubled last month, i’m still clinically depressed

[verse 4]
i might never completely stop despising myself
my body might hate me till’ it dies, bloats, and swells
this could all be a simulation, and i’m just a sh-ll
programmed into hate and subsequently tell
but that’s fine, i want to be well
it’s a goal i have to not feel like or go to h-ll
currently i’m residing there, in torment i dwell
but still praying one day i’ll be saved by heavens bells
besides my inner circle jencz has always picked me up when i fell
emphasis on the c for always being my gel
supporting and influencing me to propel
being the primary key to the inspiration that to me compels

[outro]
“good job garrett. let’s give him a round of applause” teacher
“sounded like you mumbled a little bit there bud” alex
“be nice alex or you’ll go next” teacher

- garrett johnson lyrics

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