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giogio (rap) – the life that i never had, watch me die lyrics

part i: the life that i never had

[verse]
if i told you my life is worse than it seems
would you even believe i live in a dream?
everyday it’s harder to bear
with these traps, a garden of rare
so be aware of the worse times that come
when he died barely could walk in a weelchair
and we had to layer pain like stacking steel paper
he could hardly stay still without a major breakout
and i cried and cried until the rain came out
couple days, maybe years later
the pain never went away i just stayed in the same danger
the rage to scream quietly put my ways in a temptation
to fade in gray, faking a vacation
never would i ever forget my promise to him
to carry on even without him, i doubt it
i sing but never sign it i believe in me but i’m tired
lord forgive me for my sins, i’m dying
uh, everyone tries to make me remember
so i think i might pick up a blade during december
slice my veins open and then connect them
i just wanna feel the blood pumping my sanctum
i might even do it with a razor as long as i feel the buzz
i yell, but it’s not enough i tie my stomach in knots
i strip whole so i can see my fat holes and deep cuts
i feel dust, take pics of them, my friend gio
will probably tell me it’s not dumb, that he loves me more
but his words have no touch, i can see he doesn’t feel at home
i made him uncomfortable, but i just want some help
few letters of encounragement will not help
but i realize i just need some love from myself
my eyes are sore again, let’s stop a moment to pretend
i never seen my father’s blood on my hands
i never seen my father’s blood on my hands
tell me what kind of kid deserve what i just outed?
this kind of demon is not that kind to allow it
and i’m not that kind to kid on a kinder flower
but maybe i just kinda need some kind of diamond
maybe the money, the purses, the clothing
i want it, endorse it, i got it but i just get grosser in my own eyelids
the sounds turned into silence, i can’t control it
they told these moments are mine but i never wanted to own them
ok so if you hear me up there promise me you’ll be fine
please tell me you’re doing alright
if i could just hear your voice one last time
i’d record it to listen to it every night
i’d just like one last hug from you
one less drowning fuel to sip on a sunday afternoon
i’m dying of thirst but i’ll sing about you
i feel worse without you
each day is so repetitive, it just wastes my energies
my pretty dreams are not ones to work as sedatives
i swallow medicines to get to the ending quick
and who knows, maybe one day it’ll work as hallucinogens
and i know i’m not the only one that probably went through this
i don’t want n0body to hold me, i just want one wish
for the holy mary and jesus to give me back my dad
and make me live the life that i never had
part ii: watch me die

[verse]
we seen a lot of suffering but never in my life i mean
the others in their cries on milk, the message that you’re missing
is that to walk the path carefully, pack the heat, back in streets
where motherf+ckers will get you for a slice of cheese
dice a kid who dreams in his mind to be as big
as fee fi fo fum, be fly as bird calls
i guess in our minds dying is unachievable
but i went from a raven to a dove
where will i go, will i die, i don’t know
i guess only time will tell if i prevail
hide the veil, go slow
so watch me die, watch me give everything that i had
every piece of my mind, every sentence in the bag
every failure, everything, i will face off every fear
never faking an ideal, never waking on a deal
never sleeping on a 9+5 just to be a zombie everyday, i’d rather die
so come and buy some tickets, before the bomb goes ticking
throw dollars at the stage just to pay my way of living
buy my house in the woods, awaiting to hear the news
that i od’d on the couch, odin saying “rest” with his mouth
i live life how i say it and i think it’s tight
i don’t get on my knees to pray what you call divine
climb the highest mountain just to reach the sky
and see you all cry when i die

- giogio rap lyrics

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