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horrible histories – henry vii lyrics

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of all the kings called henry, i’m the one you’ve rarely heard.
shakespeare wrote four, five, six, eight but seven not a word.
people think i’m dreary, to some extent i am.
but look a little closer, glam, bam, thank you mam!

i didn’t agree with king richard three,
so i fought him at bosworth field and won, victory!
how cool does it sound, that i’m the king who found,
richards crown in a hedge on the winning battle ground.
the only way to end war and avert further disaster,
there’s got to be a way to unite york and lancaster.

i’m the original ch-ch-ch tudor,
founder of that dynasty.
the man who closes, the wars of the roses,
that’s right, that’s right, that’s me!

i launched attacks on lords who earned stacks,
mine was a n-ble cause to tap them all for tax.
they paid their share, was only fair,
to making good rich and be a millionaire.
elizabeth york became my wife for life, that make me a bore?
joined our family seats, that’s neat, made my rule secure.

i’m the original ch-ch-ch tudor,
returning power to the state.
it seemed quite toothless but actually ruthless,
i made the monarchy great.

spent a long time fighting, pretenders to the throne,
lambert simnel, perkin warbeck said my throne was their own.
they claimed they’d been the princes, in the tower their rule delayed,
i said ‘this crown aint big enough for the three of us’ and had one slayed.

i’m the original ch-ch-ch tudor,
king of foreign policy.
doing hostile relations with enemy nations,
i asked them a-make friends with me.

yeh, the original ch-ch-ch tudor,
they say dullness my main trait.
well that’s a sad endightment, cause if you’re looking for excitement,
my son was henry the eighth.

- horrible histories lyrics

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