iquo dianaabasi – dear father lyrics
dear father
i attempt our english grammar lessons
every evening, as the sun sets
but syntax was long lost to the
shattering sound of gunshots
no more concord exists
between the echoes of this longing
and razor+sharp precision of machetes
you were my angel
cut down for defending his own
my hopes melted in a blinding fire
that rid me of home, hearth and peace
i knew not where we were taken
what nightfall had not blanketed from view
teardrops ensured i did not see
still, my will refused to be broken
impassive, no torture would undo me
but the mind is sometimes
impotent before matter
my body did not break, responding
to its own rhythm, it chose to swell
instead, as soil does after ploughing
i came undone, as new life blossomed in me
i sought death’s embrace like talatu who
jumped off the truck when they moved
us across camps, like fanna who breathed her last
yet unable to expel her baby
death refused my many supplications
so i birthed shehu, the colour of midnight, like his father
but with curly hair and quiet eyes like you, father
this is my certificate in lieu of ssce
how do i hate what i love so fiercely?
soldiers set us free
but we pay the price for this freedom
in a currency minted with bits of my sanity
father, your people avoid me like contagion
no longer your daughter
i am touted a k!ller’s wife
my fruit is labelled bh gene
i can neither shield him nor teach confidence
when parents keep their children away
like fragile fabric
coming neatly undone at the seams
i am held apprehensive by allure
of cough syrup and tram
sanity is a high escape
from this stigma
gradually
squeezing
my will
to live
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