jake palumbo – a jerk who makes cringe rap lyrics
(narrator voice):
h+llo. and welcome to plant+based libtard. when we last left jake palumbo, he was surviving the coronavirus pandemic, operating a busy recording studio, keeping his paper strong, adding some legendary names to his mixing resume, traveling frequently to tennessee to visit his terminally+ill mother, & had released the well+received instrumental lp transient ischemic attack
if you recall during the intro to the hundred+thousandaire hobo lp, it was assured that jake palumbo’s next lp would be an in depth exploration of his inner most feelings & personal thoughts. well, that was somewhat of a lie, but the statement remains true as jake palumbo’s next lp + aka the one after this one + will be just that. however on the road to making his eemo album, he became side tracked by beef. anna. smoke. plex. and before he was able to sit down & make a rap album about his feelings, he was called to duty to crack his aging knuckles, & lace up his worn out cement jordan 4’s one more time to go to war with these idiots
as the coronavirus pandemic soared across the world like an eagle, the world went bat+sh+t insane, & the trump administration was completing it’s disastrous final year, when any unflattering reporting was dubbed fake news & humanoids debated daily over basic human rights, a wide spectrum of f+ckery spread across the hip+hop underground like a biblical flood & rappers who can barely stay on beat became q+anon weirdos overnight. as jake palumbo found himself dragged into argument after argument with many an agitated local white rapper, he was often called a libtard for his progressive views & was lambasted as a “soy boy” for his decision to adopt a healthier, plant based diet
as some of his social media posts began to receive thousands of shares during the election season, jake palumbo found himself on the receiving end of some of the worst comments known to man, as
facebook users in jean shorts & oakley sunglasses lambasted him for denouncing racism, supporting women’s rights & wanting unreasonable luxuries like universal health care
jake palumbo wore his liberal goon badge with pride. yes, jake palumbo is a sensitive, peaceful, plant+eating liberal. he is also a gun+loving alpha male who does not take kindly to snowflakes or cancel culture. the question still remains is jake palumbo a brilliant, hilarious, inspirational figure or a self+absorbed libtard jerk who makes cringe rap?
and just as he was celebrating surviving a pandemic, that pesky internal revenue service came back around for one more grudge match against sp+celab recordings bank account. ouch
as jake palumbo geared up for the long haul, his long time girlfriend of almost 5 years abruptly left him. shortly after, his mother died
life will never be quite the same again. presently, the only thing preventing jake palumbo from walking into a bank with dynamite strapped to his chest, is he is in a better place, more sk!lled, with a seasoned reputation, & at least isn’t broke this time. however the cookie crumbles, history indicates that jake palumbo always lands on his feet, generally in a better place than you last left him. but there is quite a lot to unpack on the next album. you are going to want to pack a lunch
but for now
plant+based libtard
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