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jerky boys - sol's turnstile - sol rosenberg lyrics

reciever: (answers the phone) can i help you?
sol rosenberg (caller): h-llo?
r: yes, can i help you?
sr: yes, i need a turnstile.
r: okay, what kind?
sr: what do you mean what kind?
r: whoa just about 700 varieties…
sr: (farts when the reciever talks) oh my god!
r: …what’s the application what are you using it for?
sr: i’m gonna use it out front by the house by the walk way.
r: you’re gonna use it in front of your house.
sr: yes.
r: by the walk way.
sr: yes.
r: okay, and what is the purpose of the turnstile?
sr: well, we have a lot of people coming in to view my mother. you understand?
r: okay.
sr: yes, she seems to have been lopped off one of her legs with a haycicle so all the neighborhood people come to see, you know.
r: come to see her?
sr: yes.
r: okay.
sr: and, uh, i just wanted a turnstile so i can keep count. there’s too many people at one time, you know.
r: mmm-hmm.
sr: (farts again) ow!
r: you’re looking for money or something like that, though.
sr: yes. well, i just don’t everbody filing in all at once and this would make them go in single file, you see.
r: mmm-hmm.
sr: and my mother doesn’t seem to mind very much because they leave a donation.
r: right.
sr: and she lays into bed there and everybody comes to see her and i feel a little awful.
r: right.
sr: yeah. you don’t have them i guess.
r: we have turnstiles. but are you prepared to send 7 or 800 dollars for a turnstile.
sr: we can make that in a day perhaps. it would pay for itself.
r: mmm-hmm.
sr: you see? do you put coins in it?
r: no, but we can make them with coins but it would be awful expensive to have a token coin box on it. we have a portable turnstile.
sr: oh! so i could, uh, you know what i…
r: you can move it wherever you like.
sr: then i could move it right the bed beside my mother.
r: right.
sr: so you could walk around the bed and get with another turnstile, more money! you see.
r: yes, well. someone would be there collecting the money.
sr: my mother would hold i a cup. i would give her a cup.
r: right.
sr: you see.
r: right.
sr: you know we still keep the leg in the house too so she could… so what if people could look what happens if you play with a haysicle, you know.
r: what’s your address and phone number?
sr: my address?
r: right. so we can send you a picture and a price.
sr: i live at, uh, 26 (beep) west street.
r: and i’m speaking with?
sr: sol. i said sol rosenberg.
r: okay.
sr: and my mother’s name is gimpy. you know. it’s not very nice but, what is she gonna do about it.
r: okay, we’ll send you something in the mail.

- jerky boys lyrics

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