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juice rap news – rn01: earth bombs the moon lyrics

[g.w.bush]
“today i announce a new plan to extend
a human presence across our solar system”

[robert foster]
good afternoon, youtube
welcome to juice news
i’m robert foster, and this is the top spot for true views
lead story this afternoon is this:
you lunatics!
nasa to send a missile to blast the moon to bits
i have with me in the studio, general baxter
veteran, gentleman and representative of nasa
good to have you here, general

[general baxter]
good to be here bob

[robert foster]
now this is something that we hear a lot
has nasa completely lost it?
what do you say to that?

[general baxter]
ha ha, bob
take it back!
no, just kidding, you know that
the whole fact is we’re itching to go back
to the moon with a human but have no cash
and no craft, but we can’t hold back
we gotta start it!
those sneaky ruskies are throwing flags under the arctic
besides, jeez!
the chinese might seize the bull by the t–ts and plant their own flag
let’s face it, we got what it takes to win
if god had wanted communists in sp-ce he would a gave ’em wings
but seriously, you need to just see
the moon is a mother lode of helium-3
just twenty three tonnes is enough to power the us for a year at least

[robert foster]
ok, so please can you say what the objective of the plan is?

[general baxter]
the plan is we’ve used all the earth’s resources
d-mn it!
if there’s gas we’ll grab it
land, we’ll have it !
yehaaw!
there’s gold in them there planets!
so the first mission objective is to save expenses
the second objective is to generate attention
so our budget don’t get axed at the next election
thirdly we’re detecting if the moon
can -ssume the role of sp-ce waste collection
forthly we wanna build a lunar fortress
a staging post to get the universe and the moon’s resources
ice
diamonds
coal
cheese
brown people
mining minerals

[robert foster]
thank you for your time, general
it all sounds sensible, but is it a good decision
but some are convinced there’s a dark side of the moon mission
now with direct link via satellite feed
is terrence moonseed from the lunar defence league

[terrence moonseed]
shut up, bob, you better listen!
this unprovoked attack on the moon is terrorism!
which the shining ones, and the galactic force
may well consider to be earth’s first act of war
and amateur astronomers are planning stupid parties
where they’ll grab their telescopes
and view a kamikaze missile slamming into the lunar target
of the nasa masons and the godd-mn corrupt “illuminati”
you see, you need to see things mythically
then you’ll begin to understand the conspiracy
the moon is the feminine, the huntress, diana
and it’s like 12 years since they sacrificed princess diana
the moon is what helps the earth spin
dammit!
controls the tides, precession
it’s our twin planet!
and nasa wants to bomb it?
it’s hollow: we might crack it!
if this mission goes ahead, the ldl will hijack it!

[robert foster]
alright, thanks kid
general, your responses?

[general baxter]
bob, i’m not even deigning to respond to this dumb kid
terrorism?
kid, i’ll give you a terrorised face
¿would you rather north korea colonised sp-ce?
we need to get up there and chart the minerals
you godd-mn hippy bleeding heart liberals
we’re trynna’ leave this world and build a better one
this is the cheapest mission nasa has ever done

[terrence moonseed]
and it’s also the first attack on a neighbour
goddamit!
you’re not a servant of the world
you’re a traitor!

[general baxter]
!¿a traitor?!
boy, i’m gonna beat you with spanners!
take you to a fema camp and teach you some manners

[terrence moonseed]
manners!
general, nasa is now a disgrace
this mission contravenes article four of the treaty on outer sp-ce
we’re out of place, they’re singing the fake scriptures
for the bilderbergs and the reptilian shape-shifters
everybody should be up in arms: it’s the moon!

[general baxter]
it’s just the moon!

[terrence moonseed]
we never even went to the moon!

[general baxter]
f-ck you!!

[robert foster]
ok, now hang on general, before this gets too far
bombing moons, are we turning the world into
¿a death star?

[general baxter]
¿what do you mean?
well we’re paving earth
making it grey, erasing nature’s worth
now, we attack another planet, degrading it
all the hollywood movies show aliens invading us
but that’s exactly what we’re becoming
violence!
it’s inside us
¿isn’t this the spreading of the human virus?

[general baxter]
that’s horsesh-t, bob!
human virus!
we’re the rulers of the universe!
look at your bibles!

[terrence moonseed]
bibles?!
these babylonians worship isis
and now they’re gonna bomb where the ice is
so they can bottle it and sell it to us for inflated prices

[robert foster]
¿and you want to pay fair prices for your moon ices?

[terrence moonseed]
precisely!

[robert foster]
¿so it’s economics and prices rather than bombing the moon
that’s the crisis?

[terrence moonseed]
these guys are rich!
we just want a piece of the pie, b-tch!
i mean it’s all wrong, obama’s bomb is wrong!

[robert foster]
ok, that’s about it for the show today
but before we go away, i’ll leave you with this thought
as the days revolving
we may have problems, but
¿is this our only way to solve them?
just bomb them?
¿aren’t we supposed to be evolving?
yet here we are responding…
problem?
bomb them!
as for colonising sp-ce, and the infinite system
¿should we be allowed on another planet before we’ve even learned to live on this one?
well, whatever should happen to the moon on october ninth
this is robert foster for juice news
signing off
good night

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