key & peele – feminist pirate chantey lyrics
i once met a l-ss so fine
she was drunk on barley wine
i’d been to sea for months of three
i knew i could make her mine
and the l-ss was past consent
so it was off with her we went
and we threw her in bed and rested her head
and we left, ’cause that’s what gentlemen do
a woman has a right to a drink or two
without worryin’ about what you will do!
we say “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho,”
’cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo
there once was a girl from leeds
who i heard was good on her knees
so i docked my ship for an overnight trip
to take care of all of my needs
she was fine as the tales did tell
and my mast began to swell
so i laid her down and raised her gown
and performed cunnilingus for an hour or so
always take care of yer lady fair
’cause they deserve as much attention down there!
we say “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho,”
’cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo
i once had a woman so fair
whose womb contained my heir
with a son by my side, the seas we’d ride
the child she would bear
but my girl she was no fool
she was working her way through school
so i did support when she chose to abort
because it’s her body and therefore her choice
no, we don’t say “booty” ’less we talkin’ ’bout gold
we don’t look at chests ‘less it’s treasure holds!
with a hat and a feather and a cutl-ss on our hip
we don’t ever say “she” when we’re talking ’bout a ship!
we don’t say “b-tch” and we don’t say “wh0r-,”
’cause that language leads to things like body dysmorphia
thar was a lady with a golden eye
and the doctor said she would die
so she emptied her purse to lift the curse
and prayed to stay alive
she awoke the very next day
and in her grave she lay
but the scariest part of the story from the start
is i bet you -ssumed the doctor was a man
women are doctors too
and for a fraction of the doubloons!
we say “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho,”
’cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo
thar was a sl-t with t-ts ta here
and an -ss that-[bang]
’cause it’s “yo, ho!” but we don’t say “ho,”
’cause “ho” is disrespectful, yo
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