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local business comedy – i am a claus lyrics

[intro]
silent night, oh holy night
all is calm, all is bright
silent night, oh holy night
all is calm, all is bright
round yon virgin, mother and child
holy infant, tender and mild
sleep in heavenly peace
oh silent night, oh silent night

[bridge]
i am a claus
i am a claus
i am a claus

[hook 1]
i am a claus
hurry up with my d-mn rudolph
hurry up with your trains and dolls
get the sleigh out the d-mn garage
i am a claus
even though i’m a santa claus
your wish list in the hand of claus
so y’all better quit writing clause

[verse 1]
naughty or nice is so unlike you
kissin’ santa’s -ss is so unlike you
the only santa that’s not a white dude
so here’s a few hatin’–ss children to fight you
if you have milk and cookies, i will bite you
and i don’t even wanna hear ’bout what children might do
old parents mentally still in high school
since the white beard they ain’t never liked you
red–ss jacket with a napsack
but everybody know you brought real gifts back
gifts are unwrapped, man, we the rat pack
dasher, dancer, donner, and sleigh back
rudolph reindeer, red nose shinin’
monop’ in this b-tch again, milton bradley
skip this house, these kids be bratty
until the day they stop calling me fatty

[hook 2]
i am a claus
so hurry up with my d-mn rudolph
in a family–ss resident
hurry up with my d-mn eggnog
i am a claus
i am a claus
i am a claus
i am a claus

[interlude]
aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!

[verse 2]
i just talked to jesus
he said, “what up, kreezus?”
i said, “climbin’ buildings
tryna give these children”
i know elves about ye’ high
reindeers make that sleigh fly
su casa, mi casa
i drink milk the most time

[bridge]

[interlude] x4

[outro]
ain’t no way i’m gonna turn up. i’m a claus

- local business comedy lyrics

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