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mac lethal – i tried to kill myself. lyrics

[verse]
i got a deep depression
i don’t sleep when i need the resting so
i got a crippling anxiety inside me that’s about to eat my flesh, man
i just wanna feel relief and lessen
all the needless questions but i keep on stressing
and i keep obsessing
i keep looking at my phone every three d-mn seconds
just to read my texts
and then i keep refreshing
instagram every minute just to see some breast skin
if you wanna hurt me you don’t need a weapon
’cause i keep distressing so deep
that i’m probably gonna bleed to death
from all the ulcers, diseases, infections and hunger to reach perfection
i used to take drugs just to ease the tension
but when you take drugs the grim reaper’s present
i ain’t talking ’bout the reefer you take for stress
i’m talking ’bout the paink!llers that’ll keep you sweating

i shouldn’t be alive
here’s a bleak confession:
i was over-n-lyzing each regret
i got emotionless
i wanted to go somewhere and die
so i climbed to the roof of the tallest building
took the deepest breath and…closed my eyes

then i jumped!
like, finally
i can be free from stress
i can be free from this deep depression
i braced for impact
i’m gonna go “smack!” on the street in seconds
the fall took longer than i thought it should
i spread my arms and tried redirecting my body so
i can hit the ground sooner
ready to die, like heaven’s waiting
i decided that i’d open up my eyes and
holy sh-t, i was levitating!
you gotta be joking
i never hit the ground
i was in the air floating
i grew two big white wings when i jumped
and now both of them were open
and i couldn’t even close ’em
and above my head was a halo
i said to myself:
“uh, if i’m not mistaken, i think i’m an angel”
yep, i’m an angel
look, i’m an angel, i see it myself
i don’t believe in angels, though
which makes sense because i don’t believe in myself

my wings are spread
i’m flying so high right over my city
you know what?
i never realized, godd-mn, man
this place is kinda pretty
look at that sunset
look at that horizon
look at that man playing songs on the violin
i just wanna put a couple dollars in his hat
his song is so pretty i just wanna go and clap
look at that homeless guy, he looks hungry
he probably needs a ride to the shelter
look at that pregnant woman, trying to cross the street, man
somebody should help her

look, it’s my grandmother
look, it’s my d-mn brother holding hands, walking to the store
look, it’s the girl that i loved for years
she’s on my front porch, knocking on my door
i don’t understand
when i told her that i liked her
she said we should just be friends
does she want me now?
i wanna talk to her, wait a sec, no
my life can’t end
oh my god, there’s my dog in my backyard
i forgot to let him inside
i remember all the lonely days where he would snuggle me and keep me company
i swear i would pet him and hide
he’s kinda old and he can’t see well
so he’ll probably never find a new home
and right there is the cemetery where my dad is buried
and on his tombstone it says:
“here i lie, proud of my children
i taught ’em to know
that whatever doesn’t k!ll them will make ’em stronger”

f-ck!
i let him down
i shoulda made it longer
i realized that my life cannot get better without me
i realized that my life on earth was never about me
happiness comes from health and people
from making ’em feel good and showing i care

i blinked my eyes and i was laying in my bed
i didn’t really die
it was just a nightmare
got out of bed and put on my shirt, shoes, and pants
i guess i’ll give this life thing on more chance
sh-t, i got a deep depression
i don’t sleep when i need the resting
sometimes i fall asleep but i dream of death
and i wake up feeling better like
“i guess i just needed some deep compression”
no matter how sad you are
don’t give in to the pressure
just watch this video on repeat
until you start to feel better

i love y’all

- mac lethal lyrics

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