madd maxxx – alive after suicide lyrics
[verse 1}
all that i ever wanted was a couple friends, someone to talk to me
when the sunshine ends, used to pretend i was surrounded by love
whether around me or above, so it wouldn’t hurt so much when i get
shoved and kicked down to the gravel and treated off like sh-t
for no reason at all, what did i do to deserve this
kept to myself never lettin’ anyone in, so noone had the chance to leave
me again, i hate people i see, because they hate me, they dont need a
reason neither do i, if i died not one of you f-ckers would cry so
why should i care about you, or anything you say. you’re just another
obstruction f-cking up my day
i lay motionless in my bed, emotions coursing through my head
telling me this sh-t would be better if i was dead
so here i stand with this knfie, my life is in my hands and im throwing
it away, anit like anyone is gonna miss me anyway
some people tell me they care, but it dont matter, cause when sh-t splatters
and hits the fan, n-body is there, i’m ready the knife is stuck to my wrist
the flows heavy, but im still here why can’t i f-cken die already
i’ve been dead for quite awhile, but im still walking and breatheing
wondering when i’ll be leaving, there’s nothing i still believe in
i can’t die even if i try, so now i wander with a tear in my eye still alive
after the suicide
[chorus x2]
i tried so many times in my mind, but suicide never works
so i’m fully alive i flat-lined agian i couldn’t die if i tried
(so here i stand still breatheing alive after the suicide.)
[verse 2]
my hearts frozen and i’m cold to the bone, it’s been so long since ive been
close to my home, i hate living alone, but no one likes you, when your
wrist are slit open and your pulse is void emotion destroyed what i
was hoping for. i wanted death but only made it half way, my body
stopped working but still apon the earth i stay, i say nothing, and
feel even less it’s all grey under my chest, no heart, no soul nothng is
left
why would i made to survive suicide ?, not that im really alive
the only things that still work are my ears and my eyes
i hear and see clear but can’t respond, when hated on, i wish i knew
what it was that i did wrong. all this hatred make vacent, even
when my life was taken couldn’t shake it, i’m facing a fate far worse
then h-ll, when you see me it’s easy to tell, i’m just a corpse caught
under some terrible spell
i’m like a zombie, but i enjoy the taste of flesh probably
i stand with a smile, both lips on the shotty so take all the slugs you
got, put them directly through my head. you dont fear death when
you’re already dead
what i said is not fiction, it’s as true as it can possibly be i’ll put a
matress in the cemetry so i can sleep with my people. since there’s
no point to bury me now i stay at the ground and simply wonder
how ?
[chorus x2]
i tried so many times in my mind, but suicide never works
so i’m fully alive i flat-lined agian i couldn’t die if i tried
(so here i stand still breatheing alive after the suicide.)
[verse 3]
yo i’ve been dead for 5 years and runnin’, still walking through the
streets wishing my time was coming, it’s funny how it happend
but the rest isnt a joke, no longer so i continue to smoke and choke
i stopped caring about myself, way before i k!lled myself
i never got it, so i stopped bothering people for help
my only way out was this, and it didn’t solve sh-t, now all i can show
for it is a pair of bl–dy wrist. i hate my situation and it sucks that i
can’t change it, i still have the knife even though the blade is faded
i still use it for self inflectional wounds and cuts. i could give a f-ck
and neither could you, so shut the h-ll up. you k!lled my happiness
with every chance you had made me so mad, i had to stab myself
screaming for help. but you covered your ears when you weren’t
enjoying the sound, even after i the ground you muzzled me further
down
all that i wanted was someone to call a friend
someone i can stand next to at the end, that’ll hold my hand
woman or man, whoever would show comp-ssion instead of laughing
and lashing out, bashing me til’ im blackin` out, i backed out but i dont
feel bad, i dont feel happy, i dont feel sad, i feel nothing at all
i slam my head against a wall til’ my skull cracks and caves
not even god thinks i’m worth being saved
so now the days keep p-ssing and everyone keeps laughing
and all i did was sit and wonder what happend, it’s drastic the way i
did it, but it had to be done. so now i sit here in darkness staring
at the sun
[outro]
(stand still breatheing alive after the suicide.)
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