maines – matthew lyrics
another late night of lines and sh-t words
getting high tryna write and make it a tight verse
whats it worth? i bleed through these words
stumble out the ashes i can show you how to burn
and you think youd learn like you did as a child
like when yours fingers just slid a bit too close to the fire
but you didn’t, and i never expected it
so no hard feelings when im seeing you neglecting it
life’s a waste lest you felt the same
as a guilty man with faith that melts in the rain
judge me, take the cover for the truth
cuz my life has got me asking for another one to choose
– as if i even had the option to stop it
im not brave enough to bite the barrel of a shotgun
im still common thank god for that, rotting with the toxins in the bottom of the tank-
well, it makes me feel like sh-t that im p-ssin thru the minutes till i slip inside the crypt and wishing wisdom gone as im fishing in the pond of the dreams that i drowned just to try to stay calm
stay calm, stay calm inside the current
cuz you can’t trust a lion to ever hide his courage
but i am not a lion
im a victim of design that aligned my mind with the eyes of old scribes
get me out, im a boy in this race
doin everything i can to avoid first place
and moms finna pull the plug
day after day told i don’t give enough
so what do i owe? id be happy to pay it
but i won’t waste my time
if my name’s forsaken
i felt the loss before a whole score
swore id ignore the spores of sores
that he’s still around
but no presence to be had
when all that’s left of your dad is just ash
and i swore it wouldn’t get to me
but this pressure in my chest
will vex until the death of me
push it down
pave breaks in the surface
and sp-ckle it over with fake re-ssurance
it’s a funny little dance that we do
standing keeping hands on the plans we pursue
hearts beat to the kick of a different b-ss drum
so i shouldn’t be surprised at the way they hate us
but it don’t fit the crime
i didn’t earn the heartbreak i hold inside
but i could try, i could balance the scales
i could shoot up a school and land in a jail
and this could be the record of my life and my losses
put it on the page immortalize my thoughts and
seal this message for my son not here
and if he can’t read the words let them whisper in his ear
“i tried my best but this life falls apart
if loss bring fear cut the calls of your heart
and don’t say you love me
it’s a move you can’t beat
you’re better off hating me
we shouldn’t even speak
i tried to stay dumb
and ignore what was real
it’s better to be numb
than to ever have to feel”
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