mr. master – b-ball roundup lyrics
[prod. by mr. master]
[intro: mr. master]
ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls
my name is gabriel jacob luansing
they call me mr. master because i told them to
back with another ultra b+ball round up
well, the talk of b+ball twitter tonight
is none other than dedgin stairwell
rookie point guard out o’ byu
now starting for the alabama drainsnakes
after a shaky start to his b+ball career
averaging negative three points in his first eight games
dedgin has been a bucket since
blowout after blowout on this road tour
a fifty+nine+point win in providence against the kibosh
a seventy+four+point clobbering for the qubits in iowa
and on sunday, ninety+one to zero
the lakers didn’t even attempt a shot
all thanks to a herculean shouldering of the team by stairwell
no less than twenty+two makes from behind the arc
in each of those games, tickling his opponents on defense
the kid is scorching
but tonight, bba history has been made
the drainsnakes pulverize the fort worth titties
and dedgin stairwell walks out of the lexisnexis dome
with the league’s first ever quadruple+double
got him two wilt chamberlain papers and everything
you’re seein’ the highlights now
[highlights: mr. master]
k’armpit welk at the tip+off. dedgin secures it
immediately yeets it from half court and buries it. awful play
stairwell up top, directing traffic
pretends like he’s having menstrual cramps
no look pass to the cutting byufio o’h+llno
he lays it up and in. fantastic vision
titties on a fast break. dedgin relentless with that tickling
forces a turnover and, mom get the camera
a front handspring dunky brewster, goodness
k’armpit posted inside, k’armpit welk
in his fourth year as a drainsnake, he has such a cute b+tt
nice feed from dedgin, and the big man gets an easy deuce
start of the fourth quarter
dedgin is now wearing a wedding dress
bulk jedwards guarding him
solid effort, but stairwell gets him memphis jookin’
and splits both of his shins open
dedgin lets it fly and flushes for three
he’s got nine hundred
and we’ll leave it at that
we would just show the whole game again
if you want all the highlights
and it should be said as well:
fort worth went down swingin’
y’know, the hustle was there
coach kurzweil always making his players feel gaslit
but… such is b+ball. final score: titties: eighty+nine
drainsnakes: two thousand six hundred and thirty one
the almighty dedgin stairwell:
one thousand one hundred and twenty points
one thousand and fifty four assists
two… rebounds. i had the honor of speaking to dedgin
after his metric whale of a game to get his thoughts
[interview: mr. master & dedgin stairwell]
dedgin, you lost your f+cking mind tonight
how does it feel to score that many god d+mn points?
i couldn’t do it without my team, y’know
k’armpit, byufio, cheech. everybody was goin’ in
and it just made me wanna be a better b+baller
dedgin, you were a bare ass fart at the beginning of the year
what the h+ll happened?
just a lot of practice, y’know
been working a lot on my tickling and my midrange
and i’m glad it’s starting to show
dedgin, what’s the plan for your next game
with the annapolis moonies?
steroids
congratulations, dedgin. sports
thank you. sports
[outro: mr. master]
well there you have it folks
dedgin stairwell is on drugs
and they are definitely enhancing… his performance
that’s all i got for you tonight from the world o’ b+ball
i’m mr. master. here same place, same time tomorrow
for another ultra b+ball roundup. stay curious
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