nine ra – thoughtcrime lyrics
nine ra – thoughtcrime
near the shitty heaters that they had through the halls / hearing my mom screaming at my dad through the walls. / sister starts crying, then they got violent, / and i ain’t know what to tell her so i just kept silent. / just waiting for the moment when he’d cease the fit / but then he came yelling calling me a piece of shit. / except all he every really bought is water and beers, / it didn’t even faze him seeing his daughter in tears. / he was too mad to care, telling her “shut the f-ck up / you nothing but a b-tch like your mom and you stuck up!” / too scared to talk, never spoke what i felt. / he turned my face purple getting choked with his belt. / mom stepped in so that i wouldn’t stop breathing, / but she was too much of a weak pussy to leave him / so we stayed poor like we’re running in lace. / wouldn’t even leave him when he shoved a gun in her face…
father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / memories stuck, i told myself i’d make new ones. / i do it for my self, i do it in the pain’s hard. / do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard. / father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / memories stuck, i told myself i’d make new ones. / i do it for my self, i do it in the pain’s hard. / do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard
teacher want to kick me out of the cl-ss. / did it myself, skipped to get me out of the past. / feeling dead as my surroundings under the october elm. / never remain sober when i’m feeling overwhelmed. / that ain’t my concern now, or the reason i burn now. / not what i could have but what i once had and yearn now. / we were different from everyone in the area, right? / and maybe the world ’til we became a stereotype. / false hopes, she brought me in close, i chose to love her. / embracing the depression, and yes i chose to suffer. / the good memories mixed in is what had doomed me / cuz i encouraged the pain and let it consume me. / they tell me not to quit, keep hope, but in fact / n-gg-s don’t even hit me up to be an opening act. / and i know being stuck inside this place is eventual / when my existence becomes a wasted potential
father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / memories stuck, i told myself i’d make new ones. / i do it for my self, i do it in the pain’s hard. / do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard. / father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / memories stuck, i told myself i’d make new ones. / i do it for my self, i do it in the pain’s hard. / do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard
never blame other people for decisions i made / but i get stressed wishing that the visions would fade / and finally give me a sort of peace of mind. / my friends tell me that it will decrease with time, / but i doubt it. impossible to dead the strife. / feelings don’t fade they’re stuck in my head for life. / and i’m negative as h-ll plus poor and ashamed / if it doesn’t get worse then it’s more of the same. / so i walk around depressed, something past defeat. / wore sweaters in the house, went to cl-ss for heat. / and i’m fast asleep inside cl-ss, can’t stand this. / need to escape, take visit to my blank canvas / so i can temporarily distract myself. / black hoodied up with the fat caps i’m stealth. / go to the spot and notice the lock is loose. / still hop a fence like i’m 2pac in juice. / got the knapsack, hit the streets, take to it. / the shoe polish bottle that’s full of the brake fluid. / the stained hands digging in my crotch for tops, / take a quick break while i’m trying to watch for cops. / and i risked it, tired of daydreaming, i’m sick. / put my soul in the krylon and scream at the brick. / see i get a slight smile in my head when i quote it. / but nothing can match the feeling that i had when i wrote it
father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / memories stuck, i told myself i’d make new ones. / i do it for my self, i do it in the pain’s hard. / do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard. / father beat me, even made me black and blue once. / memories stuck, i told myself i’d make new ones. / i do it for my self, i do it in the pain’s hard. / do it under the bridge or do it in the train yard
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