original cast of calvin berger – we’re the man! lyrics
matt (spoken): my problem is… talking
calvin (spoken): talking? you talk fine…more or less
matt (spoken): uh, i’m taking fine now, yeah, but that’s only because…
calvin (spoken): because why?
matt (spoken): because… because i don’t find you attractive, no offense!
calvin (spoken): woahhh none taken!
[matt]
but if i did my words would not be making sense!
calvin (spoken): that is so hard to imagine…
[matt}
with only guys around me, i always talk real good
but when i’m talking to a babe things don’t go as they should!
i start a conversation, the blood starts rushing south
and yadda yadda, foot is in my mouth!
calvin (spoken): yeah but a guy with your looks doesn’t need to be articulate!
matt (spoken): dude, when there’s a hot girl around, i can’t even say “artilicate”
[matt]
i screw up all the grammar, i switch the words around
i burp a lot, and stammer, and i make this wheezing sound…
-wheezes-
soon my tongue stops working, and no more words will come!
at that point i just stand there looking dumb…
calvin (spoken): but that’s okay, ’cause…
[calvin]
you’re the man!
matt (spoken): i’m not…
[calvin]
i’ll tell you why!
matt (spoken): why?
[calvin]
a girl can not resist a handsome looking guy!
she will say she needs a man who has a high i.q
then she’ll settle for a moron if he looks like you
with muscles and a tan
buddy, face it, you’re the man!
matt (spoken): yeah, that’s easy for you to say! you don’t have a…talking problem
calvin (spoken): no…
[calvin]
but don’t you think your problems could be worse?
matt (spoken): how?
[calvin]
imagine if you had them in reverse!
matt (spoken): reverse…huh?
calvin (spoken): check it out:
[calvin]
the thing that i am best at is having lots to say
but when you look like me the girls don’t listen anyway!
so i can be poetic, and clever without end
and still they’ll only want me as a friend!
matt (spoken): dude, don’t be modest!
[matt]
you’re the man!
calvin (spoken): i’m serious!
[matt]
that’s what i’ve heard!
calvin (spoken): nope
[matt]
’cause all the kids here say you’re smart but not a nerd!
and if you can give a girl a little food for thought
she will see you as good-looking even if you’re not!
calvin (spoken): thanks…
[matt]
so tell yourself you can!
calvin (spoken): i can’t!
[matt]
you’ve got wit, so you’re the man!
calvin (spoken): well, thank you. but my wit is useless, trapped behind this face! unless…
matt (spoken): what?
calvin (spoken): if you were my mouthpiece… i’m sure i could win her over! for…you. a guy with your looks, and my words? she won’t know what hit her!
both (spoken): oh yeah!
matt (spoken): but what doctor could do that type of operation?
calvin (spoken): what? no, listen!
[calvin]
step one, i write a note for you to give her!
[matt]
step one, you write a note for me to give her!
[calvin]
step two, you ask her out for sat-rday night!
[matt]
step two, i ask her out for sat-rday night!
[calvin]
step three, i write the lines that you’ll deliver!
[matt]
step three, you write the lines that i’ll deliver!
[calvin]
step four, i teach you how to say them right!
[matt]
i’ll say them right!
[calvin]
step five, you ask her out to johnny rocket’s!
matt (spoken): step five? where?
calvin (spoken): it’s good
[calvin]
and say all my romantic lines by heart!
[matt]
and say all your romantic lines by heart!
[calvin]
by then you’ll have her heartstrings in your pocket!
[matt]
something about pockets!
step six we go home for the funnest part!
calvin (spoken): wait, hang on, i don’t think she’s the type of girl that would-
matt (spoken): oh, dude! this is brilliant! ah! i don’t know how to thank you! you’re just.. you’re the man!
calvin (spoken): no! no, no! from now on.. we’re the man!
matt (spoken): huh? oh!
{both]
he talks like a professor, and yet he looks so good!
[matt]
if this guy can’t impress her, then i don’t think no one could!
[calvin]
he’s handsome as adonis!
[matt]
he speaks with grace and charm!
[both]
so if he is two people what’s the harm?
calvin (spoken): ha!
[both]
we’re the man! we’re the man!
and we’ve got ourselves a super g*nius plan!
if it’s true there’s strength in numbers, then our man is strong
[calvin]
and as long as you don’t improvise he can’t go wrong!
she’ll be his biggest fan!
[matt]
like me and jackie chan!
calvin (spoken): what?
[matt]
oh, it’s like a brand new life has just began!
[calvin]
begun!
calvin (spoken): remember, i’m the words guy. you’re the pretty face
[calvin]
stick to that, and we’re the man!
calvin (spoken): here!
matt (spoken): what is it?
calvin (spoken): a love note
matt (spoken): ha! already?
calvin (spoken): i…always keep one with me. just in case
[calvin]
all you have to do is put this letter in her hand
and you’ll have her like a movie, playing on demand!
cause nothing’s hotter than
a smart and handsome man!
[matt]
like me and jackie cha-
calvin (spoken): enough with jackie chan?
[both]
so it’s clear (very clear!)
that we’re…
the man!
the man
the man
the man
the man
the man!
both (spoken): the man!
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