richard swift – kfc lyrics
h+llo, america
this is doble finepennies, a representative of nomozene
a few weeks ago i was commissioned to write a song about customer service
unfortunately i’m not smart enough to write good a song about customer service
so instead i’ve decided to tell you a story about diarrhea
when i was seventeen or eighteen i worked for a fast food chain that fried chicken
i can’t tell you what the name of the restaurant was but it rhymеd with pentacube hide pickеn
after i tired of my job there, and jojo’s, i went to pick up my last check
as i arrived, i was greeted with a brand new fried chicken wrap
not wanting to be rude, i quickly ate the wrap
i gathered my check and drove my 1995 baby blue chevy cavalier home
about three hours later, that’s when it hit me++
the food poisoning [maniacal laughter]
my god it was terrible
i prayed to a god i don’t even believe in
“take my life!”
of course he didn’t answer me [laughter]
all i could do was eat frozen grapes, which sat gently in a bowl on my fevered chest
i cried and cried into the cold night
“my god! take my life! take my godd+mned life, you bearded sp+ceman!”
no answer
have you ever been so sick of vomit and diarrhea that you just want to die?
i’ve never wanted to die until about ten years after this story
i lived in long beach and had a bout of depression but that’s besides the point
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