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speed on the beat – the stages… lyrics

[verse one: speed on the beat]
taken back to that day, about twenty years ago
when i almost lost the one who gave a fuck regardless
who made me heartless to these hoes
and told me “fuck the law”
if they weren’t treating my brothers right
so of course i’m hanging on for help!
stepfather does compressions, nothing seems to help
ems make it there, and they take over
and the cop they sent, he just seems to get in the way
roland almost knocked him out, that would’ve been the day
they carry her down b-tt-naked, and i’m riding in the front
i didn’t know that my journey’d just begun…
i wasn’t supposed to be here, but kel and i went through
another breakup. this time, i don’t know if the glue
we once used will be strong enough, even with two kids
and if i lose you, i’ve lost two in the span of two weeks
shit…you’ve gotta pull through, i’m praying and i’m praying
we don’t move in the ambulance, we’re staying, you’re fading

[hook: speed on the beat]
i don’t wish this shit on anybody, man…
friend, foe, or stranger… (d-mn)
cause this shit right here? it’s hella crazy
just going through the stages

[verse two: speed on the beat]
the first time i saw her after she died
her right eye was still open
halfway as to halfway say
“johnthan i’m still watching over ya”
her body? still kind of warm
and roland thought he saw a breath
i wanted to believe, but i couldn’t force a lie
that i’d seen her take her last breaths
still had the black intubation tubes on her mouth
at least this time she was covered
cause when she left from the house…
like i said. we draped a blouse…
’round her, since it wasn’t worth the trouble
it’d seem, to let her at least die with some fucking dignity
i guess, she at least died with her fucking family
technically, she was doa…
per the paper from that stupid cop the same day

[hook: speed on the beat]
i don’t wish this shit on anybody, man…
friend, foe, or stranger… (d-mn)
cause this shit right here? it’s hella crazy
just going through the stages. (x2)

[verse three: speed on the beat]
this dumb-ss at sinai? she keep making fat jokes
while i’m trying to cope. fuck your staff. i hope she chokes
on a hot dog and some rope. she said:
“ya mama wasn’t a small woman.”
“surprised they got her down.”
b-tch! i wanted to end you and your family
but you probably would’ve gotten aroused
by the fact a man wanted to touch your wack -ss in any way
so i stayed away, walked out and called raquel
and not to be selfish, but i’m tired of everybody asking me
“johnthan, how did it happen?” like i’m a dictionary
like i want to keep replaying the fucking memory
i wasn’t even in the room! i rushed in when roland told me
“johnny, your mom’s not breathing.” she’s already gone…
i knew. but,i didn’t want to accept it, of course
called 911. the emts took their sweet–ss time
responder on the phone more concerned with mine
i’m like “b-tch, i’m fine. just try to save my mom.”
roland did cpr, and nothing would restart…
her heart. even shocks, even i.v.s, even emts
i knew she was gone. but, even still, i stayed craying…
and praying for a miracle
i almost lost her like this before
and honestly, it’s the worst way for my mom to go
because now? i would have both memories: age 6 and 26
constantly playing in my fucking head on repeat like this
cruel thing called faith? fuck that b-tch
(cruel thing called fate? fuck this shit)

- speed on the beat lyrics

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