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teddy tesla – cl.dr.jj.d.fc.mm (netflix) lyrics

rappers named after drugs who the kids supposed to look up to?
they look like thugs every time they try to look up you
raising a new generation of drug buyers huh?
but your fans got less id than it would take to buy a gun
suburban moms and rappers both popping xans with alcohol
and hooking up these high school kids with adderall
and when it comes to their communities, they’re not that involved
i guess they’re not that different after all
and the ncaa ain’t gonna look that different after ball
as long as they still convince us its an honor to be p-ssed the ball
i’d rather be called your honor and be p-ssing laws
but they don’t need a court to judge me, i might as well rap for y’all
p-ss me the bar so i can forget my problems too?
b-tch do i look like a superhero to you?
none of my idols look like anybody in my crew
tell that cracker captain steve that he’s an aryan too
how a man named after america ever supposed to save the hood
tell mr. rogers to do something about my neighbor’s hood
elba bond? they couldn’t make a random god a black g
and now the next cap gonna be anthony mackie
dark skinned blackie, i’m wishing i could fly like him
stuff my hurt in a locker, just to get by like them
paid in full while i’m just getting high like them
if life gon’ f-ck me i’ma throw it on the tape like kim

[verse 2]

i’ve been gone for a minute in a different plane of existence
when i got off that plane they started testing my persistence
grew up like whites’ mlk, taking the path of least resistance
far from a rich kid, struggling to remain consistent
writing with my fist pen, communicating my rage
in my bio you see glimpses of blood on the page
i’m a child touched by fire, you can get kissed by flames
and i’m gonna make sure you admire, my full list of names
i need twice as many, but don’t deserve half i got
k’un lun still tryna take half my pot
doubt leads to death, it’s clouding half my thoughts
am i really better than the riff raff i fought?
scared to let my light shine, they’ll wonder where i got it
maybe he got really lucky, maybe he bought it
maybe he beat his homie for it, maybe he stole it
maybe he does deserve it but maybe he can’t control it
and maybe they’re right, some nights i lose my light
and even my will to fight, hope i never lose my might
and if i do i hope these drugs will make up for it
doc i got a problem, i want to take something for it
cocaine makes you feel like a god, ok that’s perfect
molly makes you party all night, that i can work with
alcohol lowers your inhibitions, then i can use it
a little weed makes me feel ok, but i won’t abuse it

[verse 3]

a little whiskey that’s my medication
another dose no hesitation
i’m still alone but you still got the right song
i’m drinking this sh-t just to keep the lights on
pressures of adult life getting to me
past traumas the only ones living with me
my homegirl working on podcasts night and day
i wish i could join her and just fly away
it’s a good thing i’m even stronger than this drink
and i detect that i’m even smarter than you think
sucks to be you, even more to be me
talked to the voices in my head, even they agree
solving other people’s problems, avoiding my own
an emperor private eye, don’t let me into my zone
my place is a mess, but it’s starting to feel like home
they’re building houses in a day, just like rome
so i’m gonna do what they do
acting vocal like a seiyu
east coast local, dc, i stayed true
but act like i’m from the f-cking bay too
i can be whatever i want to be
i’m the last black unicorn
just gotta keep this drug sh-t on the low
cause they love a black male like they do in p-rn

[part 2]

[verse 1]

[verse 2]

i see the way you’ve been communicating your pain
writing on your wrist i wish you would stick to the page
i wish you could see that i’ve been caring bout you
that if you left me i don’t know what i would do here without you
i wish i could be the person you needed when you were feeling defeated
ain’t a superhero supposed to save people even when they’re bleeding?
been dwelling on past mistakes, ain’t slept in the last six days
stacking bands but what are you gonna do if that elastic breaks?
faces on the floor, skull on my chest, foot in the door
punishing myself, don’t think i can do good anymore
y’all going to have to storm my castle to be frank
another rapper feeling empty on the inside like a jimmy prank
might put a tab on my tongue, forget reality like it’s the seventies
but f-ck that, i’m a pop a red and go nuclear on everything
confusing smoking with coping

[verse 3]

maybe i need a xan to calm down
but then i’d have no future like my palms down
and even in my raps i don’t f-ck with that
so the only bars i do are these psalms now
not living up to parents’ expectations
but if you asked they would never say sh-t
cause i’ve been smoking, l’ve been s-xing but would never say sh-t
they’d probably end my my world at the revelation
they want me to live inside bible pages, maybe later
i’m committing murder on tracks and coveting my neighbor
lots of people use that paper to justify their hate
they got theirs because they’re chosen, if you didn’t that’s your fate
and your fault, place blame on predestined thugs
nothing can change so pop thoughts and prayers like drugs
i thought i was chosen, my success was written
lost you found myself, and tougher compet-tion
thinking twice about forsaking your name
but maybe i just want to forsake all the blame
i wasn’t inadequate, i just needed to pray
that wasn’t the job god had for me anyway
or maybe it’s a trial, i think that i’m job
but when is the last time i even studied some code
i was writing raps, should have been writing databases
should have went to that interview instead of bay to breakers
should have never had fun, shoulda stayed in the lab
if i stayed in church maybe wouldn’t be that bad
maybe a comeback is why you’re testing me
but i fear those bells would ring away the best of me

- teddy tesla lyrics

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