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tom kitt, amanda green & david lindsay-abaire – the last real record store lyrics

[rob, spoken]
i’ve got everything i need here
[sung]
i’ve got my daily crossword and there’s coffee in the pot
i’ve got cable and a girlfriend who is p-ssed off but she’s hot
i’ve got records that it’s taken me a lifetime to am-ss
and i play them on a system that will kick your system’s -ss

and if my life’s not perfect
if i’m anxious bored or sad
well today may be less sh-tty
with whole chunks of not so bad

and i wouldn’t change a thing about it
no, i wouldn’t want to change a thing
in a world that’s unreliable
these are rocks on which to cling
nothing’s great and nothing’s new
but “nothing” has its worth
meet the real go-getter
with the thrift store sweater
and the last real record store on earth

i get by relying on the freaks who can’t survive
without their j-panese import or their zappa forty-five
they’re really kind of sad, h-ll i’d be making fun of them
if it weren’t for the fact i’m really one of them
yes, if you’re into vinyl we’ve got everything essential
[ensemble]
ah-ah-ah
[rob]
i’m sitting on a business that has zero growth potential

[all]
and i wouldn’t change a thing about it
a to k rack, l to z
it’s dark and dingy, never crowded
all a record store should be
[rob]
for the serious collector
who knows a record’s worth
need a vintage decca
step into my mecca
[all]
it’s the last real record store on earth!

[d-ck]
ever since i lost control
[rob, spoken]
that’s d-ck. he works for me
[d-ck]
it’s a hiroshima of the soul
[rob, spoken]
he’s listened to every record in this store
[d-ck]
ever since we we’ve been apart
[rick, spoken]
twice
[d-ck]
it’s a hiroshima of my heart

[ensemble]
hiroshima of my heart
[d-ck]
i want to find a love
[ensemble]
hiroshima of my heart
[d-ck]
a love to call my own
[ensemble]
hiroshima of my heart
[d-ck]
but i’m too weird and shy
i guess i’ll die alone

[rob, spoken]
barry, you’re late!
[barry, spoken]
yeah, sorry, i stopped to get you this box of seven doughnuts

[rob, sung]
what can i do? they came as temps
but then they started showing up here ev’ry day
it’s been four years, they just won’t leave
they’ve never even asked me for a raise in pay

and as i gaze across this filthy sp-ce
i see insanity in every face
some days i think i should just torch the place

but then i think where would i go?
find guys who prize the things i know?

[barry, sung]
it smells like -ss
[all]
but even so…

i wouldn’t change a thing about it
’cause most other stores are cr-p
buying music shouldn’t be like
buying khakis at the gap
[ensemble men]
don’t fall into the gap

[rob, d-ck, barry]
we’re the experts here on ev’rything
that’s anything of worth
[all]
if you hate m-ss market
bring your -ss and park it
at the last real record store on earth

[barry & d-ck]
this ain’t no tower!
[ensemble]
this ain’t no tower!
[barry & d-ck]
this ain’t no coconuts!
[ensemble]
this ain’t no coconuts!
[barry, spoken]
and this ain’t no soulless, sanitized, corporate, third reich f-ckin’ wal-mart!
[rob, spoken]
all right, barry
[barry, spoken]
they’re sucking the blood of the little guys!
[rob, spoken]
no sh-t

[rob, sung]
my rent check bounced
[barry, sung]
i live at home
[d-ck, sung]
stayed up ’til four watching mary tyler moore
[rob]
my girl holds out
[barry]
my girl inflates
[d-ck]
i think i had s-x once, but i’m not sure

[all]
the things i hope for seem so far away
[d-ck]
so far away
[all]
i’m not too brilliant on the day-to-day
[barry]
what’s the day today?
[all]
that’s why i come monday through sat-rday

and i wouldn’t change a thing about it
my whole world’s inside this door
where would i go, what would i do without it
this is all i’m living for

[rob]
for the serious collector
who knows a record’s worth
if you hate m-ss market
bring your -ss and park it
[all]
it’s the best – that’s final
find the finest vinyl
at the last real record store

[rob]
we’ve got blues and soul and r&b
we’ve got blues and soul and r&b
[barry]
ska, punk and new wave
[rob]
we’ve got blues and soul and r&b
[barry]
ska, punk and new wave
[rob]
we’ve got blues and soul and r&b
[barry]
ska, punk and new wave
[d-ck]
hip hop, rock and pop
[rob]
we’ve got blues and soul and r&b
[barry]
ska, punk and new wave
[d-ck]
hip hop, rock and pop
[rob]
we’ve got blues and soul and r&b
[all]
and the only thing that we don’t have is
customers who shop

[rob]
i always dreamed someday
i’d have this wonderful career
i went where the music took me
and, oh god, it took me here
and they’ll write it on my tombstone
right beside my date of birth:
part-time stoner
went from clerk to owner
of the last real record store on earth

[barry, d-ck & ensemble]
wouldn’t change a thing about it!
[rob]
last real record store on earth
[barry, d-ck & ensemble]
gonna get up on the roof and shout it
[rob]
last real record store on earth
[barry, d-ck & ensemble]
but will it hold us all? i doubt it

[rob]
and i…
[barry & male ensemble]
i…
[d-ck & female ensemble]
i…

[rob, d-ck & barry]
i wouldn’t change a thing…
[ensemble]
wouldn’t change a-
wouldn’t change a-
wouldn’t change a thing!
[rob, d-ck & barry]
i wouldn’t change a thing…
[ensemble]
wouldn’t change a-
wouldn’t change a-
wouldn’t change a thing!
[rob, d-ck & barry]
i wouldn’t change a thing…
[ensemble]
wouldn’t change a thing!
wouldn’t change a-
wouldn’t change a thing!

- tom kitt amanda green david lindsay abaire lyrics

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