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xana – 15 lyrics

[verse 1]
school starts up again in about a week
picked up my books from the library
head full of romance and fantasy
could it be me?
caught eyes on one of the older guys
ain’t that the dream, yeah i’m told it’s nice
it might be love if i play it right
and i can think of
fifteen reasons why he would want to get to know me
but daddy said there’s only one
and it’s hard times, in times like these i
want someone i can please
just let me make+believe
i’ll give him everything

[pre+chorus]
and i did and hе wasn’t even grateful
always trеated me like a goddd+mn plateful
he’s unphased, making me unstable

[chorus]
i took off all of my clothes
i cried the whole way home
still smiled at my mother
what she don’t know won’t hurt her
he showed me love, led to damage
how can everybody stand it?
he brought me to my knees
it’s hard times in times like these
[verse 2]
i live alone in a haunted house
i turned the mirrors all around
can’t stand to face what he made me now
and what’s no longer
turned my wide eyes to bl++dy tears
missed out on christmas and family cheer
i can’t recall my birthday that year
but i remember
fifteen ways i said no
asked him to let me go
i know it’s all his fault
why do i feel so wrong?
it’s hard times, in times like these i
wake choking on my screams then
i tuck them in the drawer
he could’ve taken more

[pre+chorus]
than he did, so i had to be grateful
wouldn’t ever think about it if i were able
he’s unscathed while i’m unstable
flipping all these godd+mn tables
hopeless ’cause he’ll never know his own betrayals

[chorus]
i threw up on my way home
left my shoes on his road
still smiled at my mother
what she don’t know won’t hurt her
my girlhood door, he slammed it
took years to understand it
still brings me to my knees
it’s hard times in times like these
[instrumental break]

[verse 3]
he’s picking fights and locks and forget me nots
and i’m counting to ten in the parking lot
i left myself in the lost and found box
maybe in the summer i can brush the dust off
ticking slows, am i a ghost?
he said: “this is how it goes”
all i ever wanted was to prove i’m worthy
such a high price for the way he hurt me

[breakdown]
could never understand
am i really that pretty when i’m deadpan?
i curse your name when lovers reach out
there’s one thing i can’t talk about
it hurts again, can’t call my friends
they rolled their eyes, said i shoulda known better
i can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
gaslight myself, under circumstance
did i make it all up, was it really that bad?
i can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
[outro]
i can’t live like this forever
can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever
i can’t live like this forever

- xana lyrics

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