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crazy ex-girlfriend cast – i could if i wanted to lyrics

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[greg]
whoop-dee-frickin’-doo, an “a”
what’s an “a?”
it’s just a letter on a page meant to distract us from the pain
but it’s not like any “a” can make a difference in the day
sure, i could get an “a” if i wanted to get an “a”
but who cares about an “a?”
i don’t
i don’t care
although i coulda made that grade if i did care
but i don’t

but i could if i wanted to

whoop-dee-frickin’-doo, look at this guy
in the red-and-blue-striped tie
makin’ millions till he dies
sellin’ bonds and stocks to other guys in ties
who have millions with which to buy a bunch of bonds and stocks and ties
i’d rather die, which i will, eventually, of course
but in the meantime, i could make millions
sellin’ stocks and bonds and ties if i tried
but i don’t
but i could, but i don’t

but i could if i wanted to, yeah
yeah, i could if i wanted to
who cares?

whoop-dee-frickin’-doo, a happy dad
with his big dad calves and his stupid baseball cap
and his t-ball shirt and dumb-ss son
throwin’ a ball
like it’s so important to know how to throw a ball
whoop-dee-frickin’-doo!

who cares about throwin’ a ball or havin’ a kid?
it’ll get ya nowhere in life
not like gettin’ anywhere matters
although i guess it does if you care
which i don’t!
but i could! but i don’t!

but i could if i wanted to, yeah
whoop-dee-frickin’-doo if i wanted to—
this song sucks!
i could make it good if i wanted to, yeah
yeah, i could if i wanted to!

(spoken)
i could do that if i wanted to.

[woman, spoken]
you’re an idiot.